Adventures in Pregnancy in NYC

New Blog

2009-10-03T14:15:00.001-04:00

You can now find me at www.mamapowpow.com. See you there!

My Birth Story (as I remember it)

2009-01-29T19:44:00.005-05:00

On Sunday night around 7PM, January 11, I started feeling a new kind of cramp in my lower belly and a bit of tightening. Jason was going to head out to jam with the guys at a Greenpoint studio, but I had him stay back, just in case, because these cramps were so new and slightly regular. After drinking a lot of water and eating a bit, they subsided and I had Jason go out to have some fun.

Monday morning - closer to afternoon, actually - I awoke with a headache and continued to have the belly pain. A few times every hour it hit particularly hard. I got up, loaded the dishwasher and made a quesadilla. It was difficult to even sit up from the pain. I honestly thought my baby's head was just lying very low and the pain was hitting every time it moved. So I grabbed Arrested Developmentt, curled up in bed with my laptop and kitties and attempted to watch and put the pain out of my mind.

Jason got home around 7PM and made me some steak and corn. I tried to sit up as long as possible but curled up in bed around 9PM. Our friend Dave came by and hung out, leaving maybe an hour later. I finally realized these pains were fairly constant and began to time them. They came anywhere from two to ten minutes apart or so, lasting anywhere from 44 to 90 seconds. I thought how it really didn't feel like labour because it wasn't "tight" the way most women describe, all across my belly, and I didn't see it physically changing shape. But it was quite painful, enough to curl my toes, which Jason laughed at.

I finally called the doctor at 10:30PM, not wanting to call much later just for false labour. He wasn't convinced it was time yet, but said I could go to the hospital if I really felt like it, though they may make me walk around for a while or even send me home. Something told me I should go in, so I called Danelle, my doula. I told her I wasn't sure if this was it, but we were going in. She said she'd be over ASAP.

Once I acknowledged that this could be it, things began to move quickly. I was sick in the bathroom, curled up in bed, and then Jason got to see me puke for the first time, lucky him!

Danelle arrived quickly and we moved to the couch and put on Planet Earth. Contractions moved to four minutes apart. At this point, time stopped moving in hours, but in contractions. Each contraction was a little harder, felt a little more painful, and I began to moan out loud. The space in between I could only think about the relief, yet dreaded the next. For a time I could watch the show, but soon didn't care. Danelle had me stand to see if that helped. It didn't. I sat back down, was offered the birthing ball, but could only moan "noooo". I decided to lie in bed again, and this time Danelle helped me throw up.

Finally I decided it was time to head to the hospital, though I dreaded the trip. Danelle called a car to come in a half hour or so, but the driver had to wait another 30 minutes while Jason and Danelle loaded everything (suitcase, backpack, car seat, birthing ball, and Danelle's doula bag) into the car, though one of them always stayed by my side. It took probably ten minutes to make my way down the three flights of stairs and outside to the car.

Amazingly the car ride was fairly fast, again because time was in contractions, not in real minutes. It was an older driver, who didn't seem to mind my increasingly loud moans. He pulled up to NYU Medical Center's emergency room and was very patient as Jason and Danelle unloaded everything while putting me in a wheelchair.

We were led by security to a special elevator that whisked us straight up to labour and delivery. Unfortunately, two very inconsiderate nurses hitched a ride and laughed and said "you have another eight hours of this, at least!" Had I any ability to speak or move, they would've had an earful or a couple nice shiners.

It was just after 1AM. They quickly led me to a triage room, changed into a gown, strapped on a fetal monitor and one for my contractions, though I was moving so much that they couldn't get a good read, and I yelled "my baby's fine!", because I didn't want to be stuck in one place. Jason had to go admit me, so Danelle took over. It was probably around then that my moans turned to yells, and not much longer until I was literally screaming at the top of my lungs. Jason returned and they checked my cervix; I was 5cm dilated and at -1 station. I didn't even feel the pain of the IV and when the nurse first attempted to put on my ID band, I whipped my hand away to grab Jason's.

Apparently at one point I said I didn't want an epidural, but still the anesthesiologist was sent in. She asked if I had changed my mind. In the intense pain, all I could do was look at Jason, because I nearly cried out "yes!" but knew in my head that's not what I wanted (I don't think they could've put the needle in my spine between contractions anyhow, they were so close and I couldn't sit still). Jason explained to her, seeing my eyes, that I didn't want to risk a spinal headache, as I'd had one in the past and deal with chronic headaches. She still tried to get me to sign the waiver in case I changed my mind or needed an emergency c-section, to which Jason said "well, if it comes to that, can't we sign it then?" She left.

My doctor showed up and told us it was time to move to the delivery room. I don't know how long it took, but every several steps I had to stop, lean against Jason, and scream at the top of my lungs. I felt bad for anyone else delivering or coming in, but also didn't care.

I fell onto the bed. The doctor checked me and I was at 9cm. I now wanted to push but he told me not to, as I had to get to 10cm and pushing now would swell my cervix and make it harder. So each contraction I grabbed a hand from each of my supporters and squeezed and screamed. I even ripped off my gown because I was too hot and honestly didn't care anymore about anything other than making the pain end.

Finally, he told me to start pushing, somewhere around 4AM. I was to stop screaming and put all my energy, which was quickly fading, into it. It took me a few times to figure out how to do it; three sets of ten within a contraction, which moved up to four sets. I glanced at the clock to see 4:15AM and figured I would have my baby by 4:30AM.

Unfortunately, it didn't quite happen. The doctor kept telling me to push, sounding more like a personal trainer, that I had to work harder. I yelled at him a few times, "I can't!" and probably would've kicked him had I had energy.

The baby's heart rate was decreasing with the contractions, so I was given oxygen, but had to rip the mask off with each one as I sucked in so hard I felt more suffocated. The room was filling up with nurses and doctors and med students, and I was told a pediatrician was being brought in to make sure the baby was OK.

The doctor continued to coach me, saying it would take only one or two more pushes and be out. He had Jason look at the top of the head, which was sitting right there. Danelle asked me if I wanted a mirror, but again, I just didn't care at all. The doctor said it had hair, which shocked me,. He said dark hair, to which Jason quipped "that's it, it's not mine!"

Later Jason said the head had been sitting there for quite a while, and finally the doctor said he was going to have to intervene. My first thought was c-section, so I said "no!" But it was the vacuum he wanted to use. I did another few hard pushes. My water broke, which seemed to splash across the room. It still didn't work, so the doctor put on his scrubs and gear, the table was folded up so my butt was by the edge, and he applied the vacuum.

I screamed at him that he was hurting me and he said "it's not me, it's the baby." But my skin was hurting and he quickly numbed it up.

All of a sudden, with the next push, the head was out. I saw Jason's excited eyes get big as the head popped out. One more push and the body was out. It happened so fast and there was immediate relief. It was a boy! But they took him to a table off to the side of the room to check him out. Jason's face was covered with an expression I'd never seen before, just complete elation, and I couldn't stop saying "oh my gosh, it's my baby! I have a baby! There's my baby!"

There was a bit more pain as I birthed the placenta. He plopped it into a container and I asked to see it. Gross but cool. The he had to stitch up my second degree tear as a med student watched.

Still, I couldn't stop staring at my baby. I asked Jason if he still liked "Max", and he said yes. I had Jason go look at him but he seemed wary with the doctors and nurses there and didn't want to leave my side. It took maybe ten minutes or so while they fixed and cleaned me up, and tended to my Max. Finally, Jason got to be the first to hold him and when I was ready, the tiny little life was put in my arms.

My baby's born. Max Ronald Powers.

Lately

2009-01-09T00:57:00.009-05:00

I guess it's been a while since I've posted, sorry to my two or three loyal readers. :)

Here are the highlights of the last month or so:

- We had a visit to the hospital about four weeks ago. Slight bleeding and lots of cramps and the doctor suggested I go get checked out. I knew it would only be a day thing, and sure enough nothing was happening... until they gave me a couple liters of fluids (via IV, which annoyed me because it took them 4 pokes and the nurse calling an anesthesiologist to do it when I could have simply DRUNK the water!) and suddenly I started having regular contractions. They briefly thought I was in labour, but nothing was happening so they sent me home, of course. But then, thanks to lying in one position for 5 hours and not being able to move due to the fetal monitors, I had a lovely 4-day migraine and missed half of my last week of work. I also missed our second childbirth class, which really sucked, but I have an amazing husband who went on his own for the tours, endured an hour of breastfeeding education, and learned to bathe and change a baby. Brave, amazing man - I am so blessed!

- December 19th was my last day of work. I was sad to leave some of the people, but it was getting hard to get myself to work and run around all day, and obviously I'm just excited to become a stay-at-home mom. For now I spend my days watching too much TV, organizing the house, finishing up thank-you cards, etc.

- The two weeks of Christmas and New Years Jason was home. It was awesome, though we didn't do a ton of stuff, mainly just hung out. Christmas day we opened gifts, Dave came over and the guys cooked dinner while I napped, we watched the Yule Log, and we went and saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button with our friends Julie, Chris, and Kory in a too crowded theatre, but it was great, and we went out for drinks and appetizers after. New Year's Eve we just stayed home, since I was once again miserable with a headache. We also got the nursery set up, and love it! We also had Dave, a professional photographer, over to take photos. Here's the first one, though it is unfinished:

- Jason's mom had a shower for us in California, and set us a box with all the gifts. Very sweet of her!

- My mom had a "virtual shower" for us, where I Skyped with friends and family back home in Seattle. It was awesome to get to talk to everyone and open gifts for them here.

- My cramps are getting much worse now, and as of tonight I'm getting more Braxton Hicks contractions and pains in my nethers. But that doesn't necessarily mean a whole lot. I'm 38.5 weeks, which means full-term, due in 1.5 weeks, wow! Praying for a slightly earlier baby, but we'll see!

Learnin' stuff

2008-12-10T17:35:00.004-05:00

Saturday we had our first childbirth class, one of the two intensive classes going all day for two Saturdays in a row. Ahead of time I was entirely dreading it. For some reason I built it up as if there would be only hard, uncomfortable chairs, a Nurse Ratched-type teaching the class (the type totally entrenched in the hospital system who was all about drugs and doing birth just one way), with a lot of hormonal pregnant women who would ask dumb question after dumb question, when the rest of us just wanted to go home.

Turns out I was only right about the chairs.

The teacher actually used to teach Art History, and anyone who knows about the stereotypical art teacher will know what this woman was like: she told us if we needed to take naps, it was OK to lie down, just make sure our partners were listening, and she encouraged us to put our feet up, so that, by the end, every spare chair was being used for a pregnant woman's feet. And it turned out I was the one asking all the questions, at least until I had others comfortable enough to ask, but I seemed slightly more educated, having read and watched a lot of videos about childbirth. In fact I was slightly shocked at how little some of the women had educated themselves, but perhaps they were waiting for the class.

I was very happy that Jason got to finally see and learn a lot firsthand, and, more importantly, that he was attentive and seemed excited to actually be learning so much! I have no doubt that he's going to be so amazing in childbirth. He listens well and he understands that I'm going to be emotional and crazy during labor and for the following couple of weeks. The teacher said that the two weeks following birth are the most hormonal of a woman's life, like the worst period ever. To which one of the husbands asked if there was some kind of pill that could be given to his wife to make it better, haha! (The answer is no.)

The one thing that surprised me slightly was that out of the 9 couples, 3 were dead set on getting epidurals, 5 were going to "wait and see" if the pain was too bad to take, and then decide, and I was the only one who is dead set against NOT taking anything. The teacher said that's statistically pretty accurate, as to how it breaks down. She also said that unless you have a delivery that isn't too painful at all, as a few lucky women have, you will probably opt for one unless you are determined, as I am, to not have one. Because obviously it's going to hurt like hell, and you just have to expect it. The scariest thing for me is that we watched a birth (which I think is cool), but she pointed out that the pushing and the baby actually coming out is not the most painful part, it's the part just before when everything internal is stretching. So if it looks that bad from the outside, I can only imagine what's going on on the inside! Ack! But still, I'm absolutely determined, and will only receive any drugs at all (pain relief or Pitocin) if completely medically necessary.

Well, I could go on and on, but that's it for now. This Saturday, after having already learned what a normal end-of-pregnancy, labor and delivery is like, we'll learn what complications may arise, about c-sections, newborn care, and we'll take a tour of the maternity ward (and nursery!), which I'm most excited about.

Stretchy stretchy!

2008-12-02T16:52:00.004-05:00

So last night I'm stretched out in bed with my laptop, wearing my $3 "I (heart) NY" t-shirt that no longer covers my belly by any means, when Jason walks in and goes "what are those red lines?" I can't see what he's talking about until I use a DVD as a mirror to look down under my belly. At first I think (and hope) that they're just marks from my sweats (yeah, I'm totally attractive in the evenings these days!) but after 20 minutes or so they're not going away. And again this morning, there they are! So I guess despite putting on Burt's Bees Mama Bee Belly Butter every day, while it feels good, doesn't really do a whole lot to eliminate stretch marks. Honestly, I'm surprised it took this long for them to show up, what with my crazy pale skin, and they could look a lot worse, but still... dang it!

Turkey Day and Crib Warming Party

2008-12-02T15:18:00.009-05:00

This weekend was lovely. For Thanksgiving we had a total of 7 people who came and brought some amazing food. I had to take several small plates and eat them very very slowly, and noticed even after the first that the things left on my plate were all store-bought. The home-made food was just too amazing! Jason did a great job with the bird for a first-timer, after calling his mom the night before and getting some advice. And we were able to do it without a thermometer or turkey baster, just propped the turkey up on some ramekins, spooned the melted butter and seasoning on it every 20 minutes, and it turned out pretty beautiful! Afterward we all hung out, played Outburst, and around 9:30 everyone left, at which point I crashed and burned into bed!

After spending pretty much all day Friday recovering, we got ready for the housewarming/baby shower on Saturday that our dear friends and leaders of our church community group hosted (at our place). It was lovely; we're not a very rowdy crowd to begin with but I think any event with "baby" in the title on the invitation is going to be pretty chill, even with the 22 people or so that attended. It was a pretty even mix of guys and girls, drinking some wine, beer, and myself some Martinelli's sparkling cider, and several people brought over amazing appetizers and baked goods. We got some good loot for Baby Powpow, including a baby monitor, the baby gym, blankets, and the letters to spell out "Powpow" painted by our friend Monica. No cheesy shower games, which was fine, and again around 9:30 or so everyone took off, at which point I once again crashed and burned. Fortunately we were compelled to go to church on Sunday so we could donate to His Toy Store, which may not have happened considering the freezing rain, the long walk (probably about a mile and a half total) and train construction (3 trains), but we're glad we went. And even gladder that we got a ride home with Kieran, who took most of the photos at our shower:

(That last photo is of me and my doula, Danelle. As usual, more photos on our Flickr site.)

Slowing down... sort of

2008-11-24T16:53:00.007-05:00

I know it's been a while since I posted. I think I'm slowing down in pretty much every way. Ironically I spend all day long staring a my computer screen, often looking for things to do. I have been getting caught up in various projects, though, doing a lot of research on baby, and a little bit of shopping. Since this post could get pretty boring pretty fast, here's a briefing (although, you know that I'm not exactly brief once I get going - I bolded the topics of each section) of what's been going on with us lately:

- Finally finished our registries at Target and Babies"R"Us. I think I probably removed and added several hundred things, literally, over the course of the two months or so since that frightful day we began registering in-store a couple months ago. Had to get it done because...

- Saturday our awesome church community group leaders, Tom and Angie, are going to throw us a housewarming party/baby shower! We decided to do something co-ed since we wanted to have both anyhow, so the women can hang out and ooh and ahh over any gifts that are given and the guys can sit back and have a beer or glass of wine and talk about guy stuff. Most of them are graphic designers so they'll probably talk about designy things. They're not exactly the football and car lovin' kind of guys, which I don't mind - makes life easier for me! This was also the last weekend we could have it until January, at which point baby may be in the picture. We initially thought not many people could come because they'd all be out of town, but realized that those that are in town are going to be starved for friends and family, so as of now we've got about 20 who say they're coming, with more stragglers, I'm sure.

- Aside from the one here in New York, our moms are doing some creative showering for us. Jason's mom is having their church home group over to ooh and ahh over gifts and then wrap them up and send to us to open. And after the holidays when we'll both have cameras on our computers, my mom is having a virtual shower for us. She'll be mailing us gifts ahead of time, have my friends and family over there, and we'll be able to open our gifts online with everyone watching! This Thanksgiving I'm thankful for creative, incredibly thoughtful and giving moms and friends who are making us feel surrounded by love, even from afar!

- Thanksgiving will also be a day surrounded by friends for us. We're having four people over, though I can see a few being added to that number. Thankfully we're in a place with a decent sized living room at this point, and we have a table now! I think we'll have enough food to feed at least a dozen, and though I eat a lot nowadays, I get full very quickly with my diminished (thanks to baby growing into it, and often giving it a lovely kick) stomach size. Ironically this may be our last Thanksgiving in the city for a while, and it's sad that we can't go to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, but with my also shrinking bladder (which was too small to begin with) and the fact that I can't be on my feet for more than 30 minutes or so - an hour at the most, at which point I tend to be in much pain - I think the parade would be one of the more miserable holiday options this year. However, it's a possibility I might be into seeing the balloons inflated the night before, if there's a place for me to sit and watch and perhaps a good restaurant nearby - the Upper West Side has a few good hole-in-the-walls.

- Oh, and as far as my pregnancy goes? I have no more placenta previa (yay!) and as of a November 14th when I went in for my final ultrasound, the baby was 3 lbs, 11 oz. With gaining 1/2 lb. a week until the birth, we're looking at an 8-9 lb kid! I'm a bit freaked out by that, but the doctor pointed out that I'm not a small person so my baby's not going to be too small, either. Dangit. We were also hoping for a last, really good 3D ultrasound. Unfortunately baby had it's hand up by it's face, and it's face pressed against the placenta, the stubborn little sucker. I don't think she was that good of an ultrasound tech, though, because she only got two semi-profile shots and they weren't that good - not even worth posting here, honestly, because some of the earlier ones were much better. I'm also getting much more sore and tired much more easily. Back and hips these days? Not feeling so good. Sleep? I go to bed hoping for 11-12 hours and end up getting maybe 7 or 8, since generally there's a period or two where I lie awake for an hour or 2, too tired to get up but too awake to sleep. But, now that I've told them, I can finally make public that...

- I've got less than four weeks of being in the workforce, indefinitely! I've wanted for so long to be a stay-at-home-mom, and now my dream's about to come true! I had to tell my boss a couple weeks ago when they were figuring out Christmas week vacations, because December 19th is my last day. Jason gets almost all of Christmas and New Years weeks off, other than possibly having to work Friday, January 2nd, though that may not even happen. It will probably be the last 2 weeks of our foreseeable futures that we get to spend entirely alone, or at least with no worries about how kids are doing back home or with grandma and grandpa. Dave will be moving out next Monday and so we'll probably spend some time getting baby's room ready. Which reminds me (last thing, I promise)...

- We're finally making some headway into buying baby gear. We bought our stroller on eBay for over $100 less than at Babies"R"Us - brand new and it literally came overnight. We had to go with a Maclaren because everyone says it is THE brand to own in NYC (light and thin and easier to carry than most all the other ones, and, like I've said, we live on the 3rd floor and have a good 3-story walk up to the subway at our stop), and this is the only of the brand that works from birth on up. We've bought bedding and I have purchased a few swaddlers and clothing items, just in case baby comes early. Jason's family is also graciously gifting baby with it's crib and mattress. Super thankful for that, and for little things my mom has sent along the way. Baby will be so loved!

Things are coming together

2008-11-10T17:58:00.002-05:00

This weekend we finally met with the doula I'd been hoping to hire. Her name is Danelle Brown and I'm so excited to have chosen her! She's a designer, specializing in green living, but has recently become certified with DONA. She seems very knowledgeable and will be a warrior (self-described, before I even told her that was something I really desired!) in the hospital for me when anyone tries to come at me with any drugs or convince me that something is "for the good of the baby" when, in actuality, it's better for the hospital and staff. She did actually read up on NYU and found that they have pretty good (meaning less) c-section rates. Jason feels comfortable with her, as well, which is just as vital, since I want him to be as much a part of this as can be (meaning he'll be feeling the pain... as I throw angry words and anything within reach at him! No, hopefully Danelle can help keep me under control and play defense if need be:)). Another great thing is she lives only about eight blocks away from us (how crazy is that in a city this big?!) and will be bringing by books and DVDs (including Orgasmic Birth, crazy name, I know, but I've been wanting to see it), and she can get to me fast when I actually go into labour (or, should I say, when contractions get to be around eight minutes apart - the first part of labour can go a loooong time and we all agree it would be really great just to have the two of us, Jason and I, for the first part). She will try to bring a back-up for our next meeting this weekend, just in case, and we'll be putting together our birth plan and knocking out more logistics, etc.

I've decided I'm pretty much done with my registries at Target and Babies"R"Us. There's probably more that can be done, but I'll just be fine-tuning things from here on out.

I've been feeling a little down because I don't know if I'll be having a baby shower. Self-pity is so unflattering, but being pregnant, I'm feeling like the center of the world these days (as most pregnant women can attest to feeling). Some of the people in our church community group may throw one for us, but time is quickly running out with the holidays at hand, so Jason and I may just have a house-warming/crib-warming party in the coming weeks. As of right now we have 3 things for baby: a bed set, a diaper bag my friend Mae sent and a pair of booties my mom sent. So if baby comes today we can wrap it in the bed set, put booties on its feet, and carry it home in the diaper bag. :) I did notice Babies"R"Us is having a sale tomorrow, so hopefully I can knock some stuff off the list. We're also praying that Dave finds a new apartment soon so that we don't have to kick him out (he's working crazy long hours for overtime and I know he doesn't want to burden and will probably be out before we even ask, such a sweet man!) and can get the baby's room ready during Christmas week.

One bright spot is that my best girlfriend Kelsye may make it out in February!!! I don't know when any of the moms will be able to come, which breaks my heart a bit (but they've all got so much going on in their lives and very valid reasons for not being able to make it right away). But to have Kelsye make it would be so beautiful. She'll get to be one of the first of people we've known for more than two-and-a-half years to see our little lanky, pasty white babe.

Neil's the Man!

2008-11-10T13:46:00.002-05:00

My best girlfriend Kelsye knows I love Neil Diamond. Lord knows how I tortured her on my 16th birthday when she spent the night, I put his admittedly bad remake of Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen on repeat, and went off to get ready for the day, leaving her with the song for, I don't know, a good hour. Of all the things I've done to her, that may be one of the few she'll never forgive me for! So now it's become sort of a thing that she teases me about, but I know she finds it endearing. This weekend I received for my birthday from her an original Japanese poster from Neil's only starring role in a movie, The Jazz Singer. Probably one of the most creative birthday gifts ever!

So now we've decided to start up a "rock and roll" kitchen again, like we had when living in Seattle. That one was plastered with posters, particularly since Jason worked at Tooth and Nail and we had easy access to all we wanted. This one will be more upscale. I'm off to buy a poster frame right now!

Knock-knock!

2008-11-07T17:11:00.003-05:00

My new favorite thing to do at the end of a long, stressful day, is to lay half on my back with my shirt pulled up and my feet up on the ottoman and play knock-knock with Baby P. In the last week he (I mainly say "he" just because it's easier and I still have a strong feeling, as do most of my friends, that it's a boy) has been very, very active. After last week's doctor visit (I'm up to seeing him every two weeks now!) and getting the quick ultrasound, I know that the head is down and angled towards my right side and he's got his legs crossed so his feet are up by my ribs/stomach these days. That means I can poke him around where his knees or feet are, or his head (although I feel like I'm pushing in his face), and get a reaction. I can almost hear a whiny voice saying "Mooooom, stop poking me!". The weirdest thing is when I my whole belly shifts as he rolls over, or does something to that effect. And this morning when I woke up my belly was noticeably bulging on the right side over the left. He's definitely found my ribs so I do my best to shake my belly around and get him to shift, but generally it doesn't work but get him more active, kicking up a storm. I find it mostly amusing, though. He also gets hiccups which is funny. In fact, I think he's got some right now... or else he's responding to the peanut butter and chocolate ice cream I just ate.

And apparently I'm looking pretty small. I'd much prefer that over looking as though I'm ready to pop! I'm just at six-and-a-half months and some people can't believe that. The big boss of our company, on leaving last night, commented that I must be eating healthy because I look really good (I myself was expecting to blow up like a balloon or at least get a fat face, which hasn't happened yet, thanks be to God!). I started laughing at that; everyone else that walks by and sees my eating habits knows what a joke that is!

Fall festivities!

2008-11-06T17:50:00.007-05:00

Last weekend was Halloween and my birthday. Two parties in one weekend - unheard of these days for me! (And, for more photos of the event, including some of the Apostles Church women's retreat in the Poconos, click here.)

Friday night for Halloween we took the train with our friend Julie , whose husband Chris is out with his band on tour for a month, down to Bushwick in Brooklyn for a party with several of our church peeps. Julie was up for two nights working on her peacock costume, and I finally decided to go as a pregnant cat (painted the nipples and sewed them onto the top and painted the mask myself), while Jason went as the cat burgler who burgled me... get it? We had a great time (gooood food) and the costumes were a hit! I made it almost to 11:30PM before we called a car back to Astoria, and was wiped the following morning.

On my birthday Jason took me to an awesome brunch at what will likely become one of our constant haunts in Astoria, Sparrow, before I went and watched some of my shows I'd needed to catch up on and then crashed until it was time to head out. He'd managed to keep it a secret, though I was pretty sure he'd take me out to have tapas (my favorite food!) and sure enough, he took me to Pipa in the Flatiron district, where we met up with some friends.

I hadn't been expecting anything from Jason, as we're finally getting iPhones next week (our contract with Verizon is about to expire and our old phones are hanging by a thread, as is). Marilyn, an amazing artist whose been showing quite a bit around town and whose work I'd been wanting to purchase for a while, brought with her a large painting and mentioned she had a show up the street. "Oh, so you're taking that over tonight" I said, knowing that she wouldn't couldn't possibly gift me with such a large piece (and she'd already given me a couple awesome books). After running to the bathroom Jason was standing up saying "happy birthday!". I looked at him quite confused as he pointed across the table (I wasn't wearing my glasses so it was hard to see) and finally after much explanation (I'm a bit of an airhead these days!) I learned the piece that had been unveiled was his big gift to me! (FYI I wanted to steal a shot of it from Marilyn's website, but if you visit it here you can see it's the 2nd one down on the "Painting" page, titled "Field", and now hangs quite happily in our bedroom, on the wall I didn't know what to do with!

So far 30 is great. I had been anxious to get out of my 20s - the first many years of it were full of immaturity and uncertainty and I look back on with embarassment. The last few were when I'd met the love of my life (going on 5 years ago - we met when I was 25 and now I'm 30!) and married the man, and have held many struggles and pains (particularly physical on my part). Now we start a family together and I'm so anxious to see what the next decade brings!

This crazy birthing business!

2008-10-29T17:44:00.005-04:00

Wow, it's been 2 weeks since I posted! They've been busy ones. Dave moved in. Jack came to visit. I went on a women's retreat with church in the Poconos and had an awesome time (and meant to post the photos, but haven't yet taken them off the camera). Evenings out with friends. Exhausted. I'm back to needing 10-11 hours of sleep a night and am quite cranky if I don't get them.

I did find out that I passed my glucose test with flying colors, and my weight gain, while up the 2nd trimester, has evened out - so I figure that means I can eat anything as much as want with no repercussions? :) I thought I had found some good knock-off Red Hots at the local candy store. They ended up being WAY overpriced and did NOT taste cinnamony - just like wax and corn syrup with a little cinnamon flavour. Yuck.

So I finally got around to watching The Business of Being Born the other day. Wow. Awesome and scary. Jason was doing bills but ended up turning around to watch most of it and was glad he did - he's glad I'm taking such an interest in the birthing process and now totally understands why I'm so against using medication and having any intervention done unless absolutely medically necessary. I know it will hurt (I mean, duh!), but women have been doing it for a few thousand years, and honestly it scares me more to have them do things to me that aren't needed and to treat me as a number and not a woman whose body knows what to do. The cycle of epidural (pain relief via needle in the spine) -> pitocin (labour-inducing drug) -> more epidurals -> more pitocin -> baby in distress -> c-section occurs way too often for my comfort, and I trust my body more without drugs than if I'm numb from the waist down, trying to push.

So this morning I saw my doctor and had a list of questions I'd printed out from the TBOBB website. I'd already told him I want no drugs and a doula, which he agreed I should have if it helps me through the process. And he doesn't do episiotomies unless absolutely necessary, but he said he honestly can't remember the last time he did one. Whew.

The other questions I had were:

Me: When would you like me to come to the hospital?
Dr: When you've been having contractions consistently at 5 minutes apart or your water breaks, but it will really be up to you and how long you think you might want to wait.

Me: What are your protocols regarding inducing labour?
Dr: Well, if you want to induce labour at any time, we can do that. It just depends on if you get to the point that your baby is just too big or if you're done being pregnant. However, if you want to let nature take its course, that's perfectly fine, too. There are different philosophies and it depends on what you're most comfortable with. I would say about 30-50% of women end up using pitocin; their uterus needs help or their membranes have been ruptured too long. You do have the right not to and I can tell you what risks may be involved.

Me: Am I required to get an IV?
Dr: Unfortunately, yes. Just in case some emergency arises. I've seen it happen too often where someone gets dehydrated or is in such distress it's too difficult to get a line in, so it's much easier to just do it when you come into the hospital. We can put a lock on it, though, so you're not attached to any machines and can move around.

Me: What is your c-section rate? I saw on the NYU website that theirs is 29.9%.
Dr: Mine is about 10-20%. One thing you have to account for is the fact that in a city like this you have a very diverse population including obese patients, those with diabetes, drug users, etc., and so the rate is going to be higher than, say, rural Iowa. And then of course things happen where the baby is in distress, or perhaps a woman's pelvis can only deliver an 8 lb. baby when a baby is 10 lbs [I'm not too worried about this - I think my hips are equipped to handle a larger baby!] I know that there are some doctors who are bias and not looking at medical reasons for doing c-sections. I mean, studies have shown that there are certain peak hours that they take place, like at 6PM on a Friday night, but I definitely wouldn't do that [another fact from TBOBB was that 4PM and 10PM are when the most c-sections occur - just before dinner or when doctors are just tired and want to go home to sleep.]

Me: Will I be able to choose the position in which I give birth?
Dr: (Smiling) I'd be interested in seeing the data supporting different ones. I can tell you the biomedical support for various positions.
Me: I just want to make sure I'm not forced to be flat on my back pushing it out.
Dr: Well, it's a hospital, not a prison!

Me: And just out of curiosity, how many people do you have due around my date of January 19th? [I actually asked this one because I'm curious how crowded the hospital's going to be; I don't know that we can afford a private room, but I don't know how well I'll handle being in a room with another mother and her baby for two nights - but I didn't go into that with the doctor.]
Dr: Well, in a practice like this where we're mostly serving gynecological patients as opposed to obstetric patients [I think those are the terms he used, or something closely related], we tend to have lower numbers of women giving birth. Most months I only have about five or six women due, and even if another woman is in labour the same time as you, you don't have to worry that the baby will drop at the same time - it hasn't happened in my two years here.

Me: OK, I think that's it for now.
Dr: Did I pass?
Me: Yes, you did. :)

So even though I would prefer to have a home water birth with a midwife (our place is just too small, I think), I feel like my doctor is sympathetic to my concerns and needs. He got a tad defensive as I was asking him questions (but I'm sure he's been attacked by hormonal, NYC women before, and that's put him somewhat on edge with lists of questions like this), but he's got a very calming voice and way about him that makes me trust him. The thing that I most appreciated was how much he told me it was my decision on how to proceed. I will be thankful to have a doula there. We can't afford to hire a seasoned one, only a newbie doula (on average in this city it's $500 for one that's been to less than six births, $800-1000 for up to 15-20 births, and then much more than that for one that's been around and seen it all), but I trust that she'll have adequate training and can help me and Jason determine if something truly is medically necessary, or if they're trying to use scare tactics (they know that a woman will most want to protect her child, so the easiest way to get her to comply is by saying "it's for the good of the baby"). And, in the end, it's the law that will allow me to deny any treatment I don't want, so if some nurse comes at me with pitocin and I say "heck no!", she has to legally comply. But again, I will do everything for the good of the baby, and to keep myself as healthy as possible (I already had a staph infection and colonitis this past year, I'm good, thank you very much) - that's what it's all about.

New Registry and Doctor's Visit

2008-10-15T14:35:00.005-04:00

So we decided we much prefer a crib that we found at Target.com.

I was already thinking of starting a 2nd registry there because some things are less expensive. They also just updated the Babies R Us site, so it looks better but is often down, and takes way to long to load pages, so I always have to have another window up to be reading or doing something. Grr. So I'm still finishing up both registries, but it's fun to explore.

And I had a doctor's visit yesterday. I had the glucose test done to see if I might have gestational diabetes - should find out tomorrow if I have to go in for the 2nd, 3 hour test. Unfortunately I had called ahead of time to see if I needed to fast for a while beforehand, since my appointment was in the evening, and was told no. And so I ate gummy worms and my boss walked by and laughed and said "yeah, you're going to fail it." Oh well.

I do really love my doctor. I finally got to ask him more questions: would he be ok with a doula in the room? Yes, anything to make me feel more comfortable. Does he do episiotomies (which I do not want - I want to go as natural as possible)? No, not unless it's completely medically necessary, but he doesn't remember the last time he did one - it heals better even if you just tear a bit. And he's just very gentle and kind and I feel safe with him. He also did a quick ultrasound (he does one every visit), and baby looks good. Placenta still looks like it's a bit low (a little placenta previa), but in four weeks I go in for another "big" ultrasound at the professional ultrasound place (more 3D photos!). I'm also supposed to start counting kicks - when I concentrate on it I should be feeling 10 movements in 90 minutes. So far not a problem, nothing I'm worried about yet!

So now, rather than find a midwife (my original mission, until I realized how much I love my doc), I'm going on the hunt for a good doula, just to help during labor so I can hopefully avoid the drugs!

Belly shots!

2008-10-12T18:32:00.005-04:00

All right, finally found the camera cord and can post belly shots of recent days, in my 26th week of pregnancy:

Bedroom sets

2008-10-09T10:07:00.006-04:00

I got an email last night that the original bedroom decor, "Giggles", I'd been wanting, is now in stock, so I jumped on it and ordered the bedding set, valances, and diaper stacker.

However, if I get them and decide it doesn't look right (and I have 3 months to do so, which is lovely), I'll go with the 2nd set I fell for, which is more expensive but organic, called "Kids Line Bunny Meadow".

It will look a bit different, though, as the crib we've chosen is white. For some reason they don't make this particular crib (which is convertible to a toddler bed) in a nice brown color that also has a matching changing table ; to get the set it's either white or black, and white just works better with the bedding.

So I guess we've just made our first major purchases in the bedding and accessories. I'm excited to get the room decorated, but also OK to wait, as we'll have a 30-year-old man moving into that room next week for a couple of months. Of course he knows it'll still be storage for cute, snuggly, baby goods, but I don't want to overwhelm the poor guy just yet. :)

The joys of registering

2008-10-07T17:02:00.003-04:00

If you walked by me now, you'd probably laugh at how bleary-eyed I am - at least one guy did when he said "good night!" and it took a good 30 seconds to respond. That's because I'm still working on registering for baby at Babies "R" Us, and I couldn't possibly be more overwhelmed!

Actually, that's not true, because I was on Sunday when Jason and I went to register. When we arrived, we were one of maybe 4 or 5 couples in the process of filling out our forms and getting the info needed, but we were taken care of pretty quickly by the very knowledgeable and friendly registrar - were up and about in 10 minutes or so. Checkout took much, much longer, though, with many customers complaining that the one, less friendly and competent registrar, was taking too long. It was at least 20-30 minutes once we sat down, and if you know New Yorkers, particularly pregnant, hormonal New Yorkers stuck in a crowded and overheated store, they don't take that kind of thing quietly (we were probably the most patient, though I was on the verge of tears a few times). Otherwise we spent 2 hours walking around the more-crowded-than-last-time store (though we knew it would be a long and painful process), trying to at least figure out our bigger items. Sadly, as a child of the Internet age, I wanted to read the reviews on many things (breast pumps, toys, etc), before scanning. Some things I scanned though I wasn't sure I loved, and later deleted. And really, we only got through maybe 1/6th of the list before I almost had a meltdown and was too lightheaded and nauseous to continue, and my wonderful husband told me we just needed to go because I was too overwhelmed and nearly crying (of course this was followed by the long checkout).

We think we have most of our major purchases picked out. The only question being the bedding set. We'd had one that was pale green and brown and retro that I loved, but found another that is pale green and brown that is organic with bunnies that I love a tiny bit more. Unfortunately, neither set is currently available online, so pretty much whichever makes it first will probably be the one we go for. The crib we chose is tall and inexpensive, but converts into a toddler bed later on. And the stroller we chose is definitely the most expensive item, but will in essence be our "car" for baby. It's a Maclaren, which I was told is the only stroller to consider in NYC as it's lightweight with a strap (I have about a 3-story walk up to the subway where we live), and though we could've gone with the cheaper version, this is the only one approved from birth to 55 lbs. (the others were all 3 mos. plus, and I don't want to have to rely only on a sling and backpack during that time whenever we go out, particularly with my back and neck problems), and comes with 3 different reversible pads, as well as a foot muff (much needed as I'm due in January), and rain cover. We also went with the least expensive, yet highest reviewed car seat. It almost seems a waste since the only time we'll need a car seat really is when we leave the hospital (it's illegal to leave without one), and Jason suggested borrowing one from someone. But I'm just thinking it will be better in case of emergency to have our own - for instance if we have to run to the hospital or back and need the seat.

So the rest of this week I'll spend "finalizing" (I have to put that in quotes because obviously it's going to change over and over until baby actually arrives) the registry; I've just spent the last 5 hours or so between work figuring out various apparel and safety products, and definitely still have a ways to go. I know some people are frustrated that we don't know the sex but it's really not that hard. Lots of natural colors, meaning whites, creams, browns, greens, yellows, and blues. I am avoiding pink, though, as I just can't do that to a little boy (and I'm still 60+% sure that it actually is a boy).

Honestly we're not expecting anything to actually be purchased for us (although I am doing a secret stork, that is, secret Santa, with the women on one of my pregnancy message boards). Anything we get would be a blessing, but I can't honestly tell if we'll have a shower or not (one of the single men in our church community group got all excited about it, and thinks they should have one for us; he asked if they could bring beer, which I think is hilarious, though!), being that most of my family and several of my closest friends are in Seattle, California, or the Chicagoland area. The registry will be a great guide for us, though, and we'll somehow figure it out.

When it comes down to it, though, we'll probably go with Jason's rule of thumb: "if it wasn't around when we were babies, then we don't need it, because I think we turned out OK!"

Back to Baby

2008-09-29T17:14:00.004-04:00

I haven't actually blogged about baby for a bit, being that we've been all-consumed in our trip to Jamaica and then moving to Queens. But baby is doing great!

Definitely kicking these days, still at somewhat random times of the day, though I may start writing down when it happens for myself. For a while I wasn't really having Jason feel my belly, as it was like trying to point out a shooting star - always just missing it. But now I think it really recognizes him - the other night he had put his warm hand there for a moment before I got a good WHOMP! - though it was just below his hand where he couldn't feel. A few nights later, after a few decent kicks, a couple he could even see, he put his hand on me and he was able to feel many good ones. I get most filled with joy and emotional when I see/think about my baby and daddy interactions.

I also now know that I definitely look pregnant. I think it's the first time I do. I haven't (in my head - Jason's said I look pregnant for the last month or so), in large part, because I have two bumps. One up over my stomach, which I think may be where my food storages lie, and the other down where baby is, cut in two by my belly button, which is starting to spread a bit and look like a frowny face (I'm anxious to get an outie!). I've been waiting for them to join together. Well now, at 5+ months, I guess it doesn't matter so much, because people are starting to recognize that I am pregnant, and I am definitely waddling these days. Always concerned about the train ride, I think I'm to the point where, as long as there is a decent person sitting and willing to give it up, I will get a seat. I try to avoid using them, but I do have some powers of manipulation. I can walk on a crowded train to the middle of a bunch of seats, look very defeated for a moment when I see none are available, and then someone will tap me on the shoulder and I thank them profusely before sitting and settling into a book. Hey, when I haven't been pregnant I always offer my seat to the elderly, people with children, or a pregnant lady - though I admit I wait a second to see if any kind gentlemen will offer first (often they won't). :)

And, I'm not sure how obese people do it. All of a sudden when I sit too long, my butt becomes very, very sore, and my tailbone hurts. All that extra weight, I'm guessing? I would seriously consider getting a donut pillow for my desk if I wasn't embarrassed. And even that may not stop me if I can cover it with something black so it blends in!

The one thing that has scared me most is, what if something happened to me, would the baby be able to survive at this point? Well, on one of the pregnancy boards I'm often on for babies due January 2009, one of the women gave birth very prematurely at 23 weeks and the baby is actually doing very well! Obviously I want to hold onto this kid as long as possible (within reason, of course), but it gives me hope that this baby could survive outside the womb if something went very wrong. It also makes me feel more connected with it. I'm someone who believes life begins at conception, but now that it's survivable (that's gotta be a word), I'm starting to recognize it as its own little person aside from me. Both exciting and scary - I feel like I'm actually entering into motherhood and someday this tiny life will be a full-grown human being in front of me, having babies of its own!

Moved in

2008-09-29T16:44:00.003-04:00

We did it.Somehow we always do. But after this weekend, Jason has made the edict that we will raise three children in this apartment, somehow smuggle in a dog for its lifespan, and die here. Never moving again! I predict that as long as we're in NYC and have no more than 2 young children we'll be in our new Astoria apartment.

After a busy couple days, with Jason running on about 8 hours of sleep total, and my on 15 or so (unheard of these days!), we're finally going to just order Thai and veg all evening.

The new place is incredibly quiet - are we still really in NYC? And it's definitely bigger, with a beautiful kitchen and nice rooms throughout. The only problems so far are that the bathroom has very little ventilation and smells strongly of paint, and the new-shaped windows require new curtains. I was planning a run to Bed, Bath, & Beyond this evening, but that may not happen. Besides, JC Penney is having a home sale and I think I've decided to go with blinds for the living room, over curtains, and need to take new measurements so I can get the made-to-order ones.

Overall we're very happy. Couldn't have done it without the 8 amazing friends who showed up to help out and my workhorse of a husband who took over where I couldn't due to pure exhaustion and inability to lift.

Our new 'hood: Astoria

2008-09-24T18:26:00.005-04:00

I'm stealing this video from my friend Julie, so parents can see a bit of the neighborhood we're moving to. This is from Travel Channel's show No Reservations, and they're hitting up The Kebab Café (Astoria is known for it's large Greek population and restaurants). It looks pretty freaking amazing. I'd have Julie and Chris take us, but she's becoming vegan and I don't know that the sheep brains and testicles will appeal to her. Hopefully Jason won't read this, and he'll be willing to go with me. :) As they say in the clip, though, this is the kind of stuff most of the world eats, most don't eat fillet mignon for dinner (not that we do!). Apparently it's praised by NYC foodies, inexpensive, and it's right off our train stop, whoo hoo!

Moving, Ikea, Target, Dogs in Costumes & Ninja Cats

2008-09-24T17:31:00.004-04:00

Currently I am OD'ing on Red Hots. In response to a previous post, in which I mentioned I couldn't find the right kind of animal cookies (Keebler's) or Red Hots candies ANYWHERE in NYC, my amazing mother-in-law sent me a box loaded with both. For the baby, of course. God bless her!

OK, since I often type a lot, if you decide not to read my blog, that's cool, but you must watch these 2 videos. The first one Jason showed me last week and I was laughing so hard I was crying. Now I watch it when I need a pick-me-up, but can't watch it at work or they'll think I'm dying out here. The second Jason showed me last night and I was laughing nearly as hard. Just too funny! (And if you don't get it, perhaps we just have a strange sense of humour.)

OK, now back to me.

Just 3 days until we move, but it's all coming together. At Bible study last week we asked if anyone knew of any good movers. We were ready to shell out a wad of cash, but our friends told us that was ridiculous and offered to help us out. So, after spending the rest of the week packing (I can only do it for so long at a time each night before I'm just too exhausted, and my stomach, or uterus, I should say, has been sore lately so that it's hard to move to fast or bend over), Jason's dropping me off early on Saturday to meet the cable guy. Actually, cable guy won't be there until 2-6PM, so it gives me a chance to have brunch with my awesome friend Julie. But Jason has to be back at our old place at noon to meet everyone, and with traffic, it just makes more sense to be there early. Plus, I tend to get too stressed out on moving day, so taking me out of the picture completely makes it easier on everyone. As I haven't actually been to our new apartment, it'll also give me a chance to figure out where things are going to go, and sit and read on our two oversize pillows. It's supposed to rain that day but hopefully no one will bail out. And thankfully we've got a couple friends that have cars, so they can transport folks up to Astoria from Park Slope without them having to deal with the 90 minute train ride in between moving. Then of course pizza for everyone, and Jason and I will crash and probably not do anything until the following morning, when I'll do much unpacking and Jason goes back to clean the old place. Whew!

We actually went to the new Brooklyn Ikea last night. I've never had a more pleasant Ikea experience, and I'm sure never will again. We road the bus (it came before the Ikea shuttle) to a nearly empty store, but first had to have dinner at their cafe. Probably less than 15 minutes. Looked at the kids' stuff, but their cribs are nearly half the size of normal cribs - not OK when mom and dad are 5'10" and 6'2". So we grabbed some wine glasses for $5 and then went to the rug department. Yeah, we were given some 16 wine glasses for our wedding, but they were so fragile that we're down to two. Yes, two. I'm probably going to cry when one of those breaks, since we've managed to hold on to them for the last year. Somehow we still have eight martini glasses, but we never really make those.

So then we headed to the rug department. The old one we had was a brown/black shag that got filled with white cat hair and I finally broke a glass in the other day (did I not mention I tend to do that?) and so it was kicked to the curb. My designer husband is so funny - he didn't know what kind of color/design theory goes into picking out a rug for an apartment and didn't want anything to wild. So I showed him the ones I liked, all off-white or beige, and he chose his favorite out of those (also my favorite). We grabbed a few things on the way out and took the lovely shuttle bus, waiting right smack in front, back to our house and walked the four blocks home. So lovely and easy!

Tonight I have to make a final trip to the dreaded Brooklyn Target for some glasses (of the 16 of those we bought maybe a year and a half ago, we're down to maybe seven - it will definitely help that we have a dishwasher at the new place so we won't be dropping them as much anymore!). I love Target back at home but the one in Brooklyn is just overcrowded, nothing is ever where it should be, the lines are awful, and it's just not pleasant. But we really need these glasses, and last minute things for our new home. So it's worth it.

See, I always write too much. Aren't you glad you watched the cute videos first?

No longer a Brooklyn Breeder

2008-09-16T17:49:00.004-04:00

God is so, so, so good. We made it home from Jamaica Saturday night at 11PM. Sunday morning at 11AM we're off apartment hunting in Astoria, Queens. My coworker lives in a building that used to be a part of the projects. Not the big, looming gray buildings, these are actually pretty cute, 3-story red brick buildings. For the 20 or so square blocks they own, it's very neighborhoody and cute - almost like an NYC version of Ballard or Queen Anne back home. To the northwest is the river with some smaller parks, followed by Astoria Park which is pretty large and has a huge playground and the largest swimming pool in New York. To the southeast, and closer to the train are many great restaurants and bars. It's at the last stop off the N/W line, which means there will always be one sitting and waiting for us, and we'll always get a seat. It also rides above-ground through Queens, which can be nicer than being underground for a half hour or so. And it's much much less expensive than where we are in Park Slope, Brooklyn. These places run something like $1100 for a studio, $1275 for a 1-bedroom, and $1575 for a 2-bedroom. Those of you outside New York are balking at the prices, those of you in New York can't believe how ridiculously cheap that is! The other awesome thing about Astoria is how many friends we have living there - maybe 4 or 5 couples and several singles, and our home group from church now meets there.

So after calling the broker pretty much every week or two (because I'm a worry-wart control freak), and having her tell me every time to call two weeks before we were planning to move, we finally met and she was lovely. We looked at one apartment that was ok, but about 12 blocks from the train and not the best use of space in the layout. But the second one we went to was absolutely perfect - overlooking a courtyard, much closer to the train, and we were ready to rent. The broker loved us and was ready to rent to us that day if we wanted, except of course they had to run the credit check. Sadly, the following day we were told the apartment was unavailable. Apparently another broker had rented it out and told no one, and, as this is not the first time that's happened, it might be the straw that gets him fired. We feel bad, but we did really want the apartment. Fortunately the broker loves us and I'm married to an amazing man who has this week off, as well. He went out last night again and they showed him pretty much our same apartment, except in reverse layout. The only two drawbacks being it's on the 3rd floor of a walk-up (but I'm going to have to figure out how to navigate the subway stairs with stroller, so why not another challenge to help me lose baby fat?), and the view from the bedrooms is of ConEd and a carport. But it does have a dishwasher - BIG plus! Jason came home to discuss it with me first, show me the photos he took, and we decided to go with it. This morning he called them again and tomorrow night he'll be signing the lease, whoo hoo! We move in a week from Friday.

So the rest of this week Jason will be picking up cardboard boxes from every deli and wine store he can, and finding a decent mover. Then this weekend he'll be off at a church men's retreat killing something and dancing around the fire with the carcass, or whatever it is they do, while I relax and pack up what I can (I've been ordered not to overdo it, if that's even possible).

Every time we get ready to move I have a few weeks or months of worrying, but every single time Jesus comes through in an amazing way, wiping away all those fears aside.

I'm also amazed at how well he's taking care of us. Times are scary. Everyone's supercharged with the election (I've got my definite beliefs but refuse to argue with friends about them - I really find it pointless when we're both going to stick to our guns and I'd rather just be friends - though I might be vocal about what I believe!), I work at a hedge fund as Wall Street is crashing and I've never seen people as panicked and running around and the higher ups having so many important meetings, and then of course we've got the war and natural disasters. Pastor JR sent out a lovely letter to the church reminding us where we put our hope - and I'm so very glad at this time that it's not in anything of this earth - I don't know what I'd be doing if that was the case! Right now I've got a roof over my head, a loving husband and family and friends and baby on the way, I'm able to indulge in most of my cravings (far more than millions around the world can do) and I'm so content.

Jamaican Babymoon

2008-09-16T16:29:00.007-04:00

(Complete photo set at my flickr site.)

We arrived home Saturday from our final vacation before baby (aside from possibly visiting a B&B somewhere in the mountains or Long Island for Christmas since I'm grounded as of mid-November and, sadly, the markets are open day after Thanksgiving so I encouraged my coworker to take it off before I'm gone). The day before leaving (Friday) I had to stay home from work - migraine and sick. Greeaaat.

As the first hurricane was hitting the east coast that Saturday, we fully expected to be stuck in the airport for many hours, and packed up travel Scrabble, cards, etc., and to have me feeling crappy. But I woke up feeling pretty decent, gave ourselves plenty of time for the airport, especially so I could waddle with my now bad back hips (oh yeah, they've gotten pretty bad these days), and ended up having just enough time to grab some food and magazines before boarding the plane and ending up in Jamaica on time, whoo hoo! From then on for the entire week, I only had one medium-bad headache and my hips only hurt if I twisted in the wrong direction (of course the morning after we got back, major headache and bad hips again - which I can only attribute to the fact we had to apartment hunt immediately and the stress of travel and finding a home just added up in my poor fragile body). We have also finally learned how to apply sunscreen: 50spf every time we got out of the water, or after 60 minutes or so. I got small burns on my legs and feet, as Jason got small ones on his feet and stomach, but otherwise we were great and I came back as tan as a redhead can after a week in the Caribbean!

Club Ambiance was perfect for us. Jason thinks I should go into business finding good vacation deals for people that don't know how to use the internet because the entire trip, including the small adults-only, all-inclusive resort, airfare, insurance and taxes came out to only $1600 (and I really love to research vacations and daydream). Yes, it was small, but it was all we needed - a couple beaches, a pool, unlimited use of pool floats, snorkeling equipment, kayaks, and other water equipment, all you can eat/drink (including alcohol, though I couldn't partake), and, although I love children, it was very nice to not have to deal with them running around getting our stuff sandy and wet, especially after enjoying an airplane ride with a few too many. We knew we were booking the trip during hurricane season but decided to risk it, as they take their time and give plenty of warning. Monday Hurricane Ike did hit Cuba which left us wet and stormy, but we were in the pool by 3PM and didn't have a worry after, though we will donate to the Red Cross, knowing there are thousands of people who have many worries and hardships at this time.

The only trip we took off the resort was to Ocho Rios. We were glad we did it, but would not do it again. First, after having booked the shuttle the day before and speaking to the tour coordinator just before our 10AM departure, we were pulled away by another staff member. We finally got back just as our shuttle was pulling away, and they tried to call it back but couldn't. But they did pay for a cab, a guy that stays on-site to take people around. We got to the main street which was full of shops and were greeted by a guy we thought was a tour guide, since he seemed to know the cab driver. He helped us out of the cab and told us to go explore and buy from the store on the corner that had lots of expensive jewelry, rum, coffee, etc, that we might want, and he'd wait for us. We (dumb Americans) thought "OK, cool". We buy some coffee and follow him to the craft market. He leads us through it all the way to the back as poor vendors offer us everything from hair braiding, to pot, to jewelry. We get to the back and he shows us a booth and says "this is mine, take a look around and tell me what you want". Wood wall carvings and cheap plastic jewelry abounded - um, no. We said no about 30 times before he got the picture, and then he led like a beaten puppy dog around a dark and deserted corner where, for a moment, I thought he was going to mug us or something, to his sister's booth, where he left us. We told her no, and then had to walk through all the vendors again, only determined at this point to get out. We crossed the street to the strip mall where we found many of the exact same store that you find in any tourist destination - t-shirts, shot glasses, hats, etc. etc. Every store had someone following us around trying to get us to buy what we couldn't afford (and we only had a total of $60 in cash on us in the first place). We went to a few different ones before I had to find a bathroom, and ended up far enough down the road at stores that didn't harass us, but also didn't have much of anything. In the end we made it out with 1.5 lbs of Blue Mountain Coffee (top of the line, at least $30 or $35 a lb. in the states), some rum cream to be saved until the end of my pregnancy (tastes like Baileys, my favorite!), and two baby bibs, one with a sea turtle and one that says "I'm a little beach bum" and has a baby's fanny. That's all we wanted, as we're not too much into cheap tourist crap, no matter what the destination.

One exciting development, baby wise, is that Baby P is definitely kicking these days. Having Jason around all the time made it easier to sit and put his hand on my belly for 5 minutes or so at a time, and he managed to feel 2 or 3 fairly decent kicks. One night it was so much that we actually saw my belly move, which was very cool! (S)he seems most active when I first wake up or am going to bed, and when I was lying on my pool float floating around the bay or the pool, I really got to feel it. So nice and strange and awesome. I did have a couple panic attacks when I was there, only when I started thinking too much about the fact that we were in a poor foreign country and I was unsure if the cheese I had just eaten was pasteurized or not and would get listeriosis, or had what I thought might be new pains (even though I've had cramps all along and I really don't think they were anything new to worry about). But panic attacks aren't rational, and I just prayed, read my Bible, and practiced breathing, telling myself my throat was not actually swelling shut and my heart was not actually beating so fast it would give out and crash. My last one was on the plane home when I started thinking about the woman who died because the plane she was on had only empty oxygen containers. I'm going to ask my doctor if they're really affecting my baby, but I think I'm doing much better now. I've gone through a few short periods in my life with panic attacks, but obviously I'm still here and (somewhat) healthy!

Really, it was just awesome to lie around and do pretty much absolutely nothing but be in the water or lie around the pool or beach and be with one another - and eat as much as we wanted (though towards the end our stomachs started bothering us and haven't yet quite recovered - I think too much grease and fried food, but still pretty great). The people at the resort were nice, and we interacted some with the other guests, but didn't take advantage of the midnight disco or many of the evening shows. It was just about us and relaxing and loving each other and looking forward to our new expanded family, and that's what we got!

The old wives' tales begin...

2008-08-28T18:17:00.008-04:00

So when I was seeing the neurologist today, the lady at the front desk asked me how far along I was. Then she asked if I was having a boy or a girl. First of all, I'm extremely sick of this question already - WE AREN'T GOING TO FIND OUT! Sometimes I long for the days where there was no option of knowing, but then I suppose every stranger asked "so what are you hoping for, a boy or a girl?" or whatever else strangers decide to ask/tell a pregnant lady. I told her we don't know and she looked at me with a set face and said "oh, you are having a boy". I'm like "really." She says "of course, you're face isn't swollen - with a girl it swells up" (although honestly, I am waiting for my face to get fat - I just assume it's gonna happen). But then she has me stand back from the tall desk to look at my belly, and sees that rather than being basketball-like, it kind of goes out at the top, straight down, and back in at the bottom. She suddenly looks confused and says "oh... but your belly looks like a girl!" Apparently boys are supposed to be round, girls are flat. All I know is, this is only the beginning...

In other news, going to look at our first open house apartment this evening. It's at the upper end of our price range and not exactly where we want to live. Unfortunately we'll be in Jamaica during prime hunting season, but I trust God to take care of us. At least tonight we can walk the area a bit and see what a $2K 2-bedroom looks like in Astoria, Queens, and have a nice meal, most likely at a Greek restaurant (we went from the Polish neighborhood, to the yuppie neighborhood we can no longer afford, and now to the Greek neighborhood).

Aches and pains and loose ligaments. Ahhh, pregnancy.

2008-08-28T16:46:00.003-04:00

I finally went in to see a doctor about my headaches, since they've been especially bad recently, even keeping me home and back with my head in the toilet. I figured there's not a whole lot they can do - I had to quit PT because getting up early to became almost more debilitating for me, since I work 11-7 and have my set schedule, complete with 11 hours of sleep a night (which never ends up being a whole 11 hours, now that I wake up almost hourly and often spend an hour or two just lying there, feeling bloated and nauseous - this at only 4 months!). Well, obviously she can't give me anymore meds, but she did recommend some vitamins (B2 and Magnesium). But the most exciting thing is, they have walk-in chair massage and acupressure on Mondays and Thursdays. Since I was already late to work, and would miss most of my lunch, I sat down in the chair and let them work on my neck, which was quite pleasant. The doctor said there's no copay for walk-ins (wow!), but the front desk people said they'd have to call my insurance about it (of course).

My back has also become really bad, mainly just above my back hips, so it hurts to walk and sleep at night, even on our Tempur-Pedic mattress. Unfortunately there's not much she could do there (except the acupressure, which they couldn't get to in time for me), because my ligaments and joints are all loosening up, getting ready to push baby through (which is now making me quite a bit more unsteady, and I never was the most graceful one). But she did give me a few back exercises to do, and I finally booked myself a prenatal massage on Saturday, getting my hips feeling good for some dancing in Jamaica next week!

So yeah, I'm still a mess, but I'm getting some stuff done to take care of it. And more than anything I'm still feeling blessed and excited right now. There's so much to be done in the coming months, particularly finding an apartment pretty much the week we get back from Jamaica ASAP, while our current landlord parades potential renters through our place, causing me too much stress (though I booked my massage Saturday when he brings the most people through and takes over), registering for baby stuff and outfitting the place, but in the end it will be amazing.

Flutters?

2008-08-26T16:19:00.003-04:00

So I think I might possibly be feeling the baby move. It's only happened a handful of times or so when I'm lying down or sitting still. Hard to tell because when I put my hands on my belly I can feel all the blood pumping to it from my heart. But at other moments out of the blue I'll feel something and think "was that it? No, couldn't be... but that's what they say it's supposed to feel like..." It's sort of like if you're lying very still in the bathtub so the water is not moving at all. Then you twitch a finger or a toe and there's a slight ripple that moves to another part of your body. But this is going on inside my body, and very quickly. And of course it's not incredibly different from mild gas or a stomach growling slightly, although my stomach is higher up now and my intestines are being shoved back, so I'm pretty sure the feeling is coming from the baby's locale.

I'm 19 weeks, 1 day at this point. So right around the time I might start feeling it. I've gone on a couple pregnancy boards for others due in January (which I can only stand for so long - so many posts are regarding aggrevating in-laws or mothers by hormonal pregnant women, and I can't deal with too much complaining, particularly when I want to be the center of my own universe at this point with my own pregnancy issues) and there are women worrying because they started to feel movement and now haven't in a week and think something might be wrong. I'm just trying to chill about the whole thing, because I know soon enough I'll be so huge and uncomfortable, and one swift kick to the rib will leave me out of breath and longing either for the days where it was too small to feel or, more likely, wanting desperately to get it out.

Hybrid diapers!

2008-08-22T16:28:00.003-04:00

I've got to thank our friend Christian for her awesome blog that introduced me to gDiapers. They're not cloth diapers, not disposable, but an earth-friendly hybrid (all according to their site, which I've looked at extensively).

We likely won't have a washer or dryer in our building (somewhat rare in this city), and will most likely continue to do the drop-off service at the local laundromat when we move, so cloth diapers aren't really an option (yes, we could do the whole sink or bathtub wash and air dry, but this is NYC - there's so little room to even hang up clotheslines in apartments here!). And I just can't in good conscience only go with disposables (though I'm sure there will be exceptions to the rule.

I've looked at some of the reviews online - pretty much a love/hate product. Love for the environmental factors (other than the fact that it does require flushing, which uses water for the 10 or so changes a day, but we try to abide by "if it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down" anyways); hate because they take a little extra time to use and they leak if you don't get the fit just right. Having worked a lot with babies (and twin infants, at that), I think I'll have a slightly easier time than some new parents in getting the speedy thing down, I'm not afraid of poop (having worked with children and adults with disabilities and changed diapers/Depends on individuals from 0-65), and I know that even the best-placed diaper will have it's leak now and again when the baby has an occasional explosion.

Anyhow, we've got another 5 or so months until we get to try them out, but I'm so anxious to do it!

Too hot to handle

2008-08-21T18:17:00.004-04:00

Jason and I have switched places. Used to be, I was always cold and would cuddle up to him for warmth in the middle of the night. Now even with a fan and air conditioner blowing through the night, I tend to burn up and only use a sheet (because I need something on top to sleep). I'm also not allowed to keep my hand on him for too long - I like to reach over and put it on his shoulder or hand while we're going to sleep, but apparently I'm "as hot as a light bulb" these days.

Inez the cat, on the other hand, is as happy as she's ever been, having found a new spot right next to my pillow (since she can't handle the fact that I turn over every 5 minutes; when staying with my step mom in the hospital after her surgery once on a cot, she amusingly watched me "flip like a fish" every few minutes throughout the night. It's especially important now that my hips get sore after too long, but thank God for our Tempurpedic mattress!). Inez is the one who lies directly against the heater or radiator in the winter and we swear she's going to burst into a furry ball of flames someday. Now if I reach over, she meows and rolls onto her back in ecstasy, something that I should enjoy for the time being. I'm pretty sure we're going to have to enroll her and Sweet Jane into a sibling class for children of expectant mothers to prepare.

Speaking of classes, I'm about to enroll in one at NYU, possibly the only time they'll accept me, and in the medical center of all places! Granted, it's a birthing class and all that's really required is being knocked up (I find that term so appropriate - some days I feel knocked up, down, inside and out!). It's supposed to be a great place to give birth, which is why my OB-GYN delivers there. And I'm happy because, once we live in Astoria, the trip is only 25 minutes, or 40 in rush hour, since it's just one freeway down through Queens, another over and down into Manhattan. The class isn't until December, but they want you to enroll by week 20 since they fill up quickly. I've already started The Big Book of Birth, just because I know it's going to take these next five months to prepare my mind for what's actually going to occur then, and I still haven't decided whether I'm going natural or medicated. I figure it's going to hurt and it's going to suck no matter how I go about it, just depends on how much I want to put myself and/or the baby through!

Those darn Canadians!

2008-08-13T12:48:00.005-04:00

So last Friday we went out with my friend Michelle who I haven't seen in 12 years, not since we took a missions trip to Fiji as teenagers. We also met her husband, Joel Auge, who's touring the US and Canada and doing pretty well for himself as a musician! We found a cool Mexican place in Hell's Kitchen that served the best virgin pina coladas I've found so far! We had a great time, and it was so cool to see Michelle after all these years and be so comfortable, hanging out as married peeps.

Now, Michelle and Joel are Canadian, and eventually in discussing the baby and our future plans, somehow we made it to the topic of healthcare. They said they'd heard it's something like $10K to have a baby here, or was for some of their friends (perhaps C-Section, since doctors get it over quickly and get paid more - I refuse to have one unless it's a life and death situation for myself or the baby). Honestly we hadn't thought about the costs of actually having the baby, we've been more involved with moving costs (which we're putting off until October 1) and how much it's going to cost to buy all the baby stuff.

But we do know it's going to cost us. I racked up probably at least $20K in medical bills (thank God for work insurance, and particularly COBRA) for my three stints in the hospital and innumerable tests done last December-April. And I laughed when I read an article recently that the average waiting time in the ER is 30 minutes, which some people think is a lot. Um, my first stay we waiting 4 hours before going into the ER, and spent another 6 or so waiting in there, listening to drug dealers and old men getting catheters in beds next to us, dragging my double-sized, incredibly painful foot to the restroom to pee every 20 minutes. The second time it was a 6 hour wait (this time I was vomiting every 15 minutes in the waiting room restroom), and another 6 hours waiting for my room. And the third we gave up, took an ambulance to bypass the waiting room for a nice little $300+ chauffer fee, waited in the ER 6-7 hours, and then was taken up outside my room which had yet to be cleaned, to wait in the hall on a gurney for 2 hours (at which point my friend Kelsye called from Nashville, where she was touring through the sparkly city, wondering at the sites, and we both laughed because, in contrast, I was lying on a gurney in pain in the hospital!)

But I digress, as usual.

So we started talking about their healthcare, and learned a few things.

Canadians get 12 months maternity/paternity leave paid at 55% of what they would normally make. Their employers also must, by law, hold their position for them until they return. The time can be divided up between the mother and father - eg. they can each take 6 months, one can take 3 months and the other 9, etc. And if the one decides not to continue working at the end, it doesn't matter, they'll still get paid. In fact, Michelle quit her job to be Joel's tour manager a few months ago and learned she can still get paid 55% her previous salary. In addition, the government basically pays families when they have more children. Correct me if I'm wrong, Michelle (if you're reading this), but they have friends that have a few kids and get at least $1000 (I want to say $1600, but I may be overshooting) a month just to help care for their children!

Universal healthcare is often sneared at by most conservatives (and I love you, conservative parents and in-laws!!!) because of perceptions of it. Granted, it does take longer to get an appointment to see a doctor, sometimes 6 weeks. Though in the article mentioned above (and unfortunately I'm not finding it again, though type in "ER waiting times longer" and you'll find many others), the U.S. doctor commenting on ER wait times suggested that part of the problem is patients can't get in to see their primary care physician when they first get sick, leading them to the ER, and he himself had to often wait as long as 6 weeks to get in to see his! Living in New York, I sympathize, though my OB/GYN almost always has a slot for me, perhaps due to the nature of his job and, I'm hoping, he only takes on so many pregnant patients at once. My primary care doctor, on the other hand, can take a few weeks if it's not an emergency. Joel and Michelle mentioned that often people on the border of Canada will go to US doctors, after buying cheap tourist insurance (available at pretty much any store in town; in Sicko I believe it was a Sears, since Canadians can't afford to get sick in the US) to visit, and US doctors love them, because they know their government is good for it!

People here are worried that taxes will go way up if we instate universal healthcare. Um, we pay some 25-30% in taxes (I believe - remember I've got pregnancy brain so I'm not intentionally trying to throw off numbers, but I don't think I am, when you calculate FICA, Social Security, property taxes, sales taxes, etc.), and so do Canadians. Joel also co-owns an internet company outside of his life as a musician. He and his co-owner pay about $160 a month for any incidentals their 5 employees (including themselves and Michelle) incur for medical expenses. He was saying that if he lived in the US, it would be pretty much impossible to give healthcare to their employees.

So, they get paid to take a break to have a baby. They get paid monthly to raise children. They don't pay for their employees to have healthcare in general, and pay minimally on additional medical bills. But they do have to sometimes wait longer to see a doctor. Still, I think I'm ready to trade.

3D baby!

2008-08-07T16:53:00.005-04:00

We had another ultrasound today, and this time got 3D! Apparently mothers often don't want to see the 3D at this point because it looks so strange, but that's only to be expected. I think it looks so cool either way. Again, (s)he was very stubborn, and wouldn't move its hand from its face during the 3D, and she again had to go in the other way when it wouldn't turn to show us its spine. Of course we'd just woken it from a nap, so it was stretching and making itself comfortable, not entirely caring about the world around.

She had us look away when she looked at its legs, since it had them crossed. I asked if she could tell the sex and she said "yes, I took a look". Its sort of exciting that someone out there knows, but it's definitely taking all my willpower not to find out!

- Has its hand covering its face here. Very stubborn - (s)he would not move it no matter what we did!

- I think it looks like the Swedish Chef or one of the midget Muppets from The Labyrinth here. It of course has eyes, but it moves so much and the imaging makes it hard to get a perfect picture every time.

- Profile shot of the face.

- Profile shot, but (s)he's looking slightly away from the camera.

Photos finally!

2008-08-01T23:38:00.005-04:00

-14 weeks, 5 days

- 15 weeks, 5 days

- Jason says I look pregnant, but I still feel like I'm at that in-between phase where I just look kind of chubby, especially since my arms and chest are growing a bit to match. I did feel good today, though, when a coworker found out I am pregnant for the first time and said "I couldn't tell, you're just gorgeous!" Totally sweet! I don't know if I'm that pretty in these pics, since I'd just gotten up from a nap and we were running to our favorite neighborhood digs, Bar Toto, but mom's been asking for belly shots, so here they are!

Plopping and Waddling

2008-07-31T16:35:00.004-04:00

When I was a kid, I used to get in trouble at Grandpa and Grandma Kyllo's house for plopping down hard onto their living room chairs and sofas. I still do it. Sometimes I even think I'm going to break our little self-assembled love seat, but it doesn't really stop me. But now it seems my body is. For the last few days after running around the office and back to my desk to alert someone their guest has arrived or just because I'm exhausted from being up so long (doesn't take long), I've learned all the ligaments attaching my uterus to my insides pull and cause some pain, particularly since I started out with cramps throughout my pregnancy. Whenever I watched pregnant women slowly back into seats and grab onto things for help, I thought it was just to steady themselves with all their extra weight, but now I see that it also physically just hurts to sit down too hard. Sigh.

The other thing is, I'm starting to waddle. Another thing I thought was due to weight, which I haven't gained a ton of yet, though more and more people that know I'm pregnant comment on the fact that I'm showing. I still think the average person would just think I look a bit round, but friends deny it. Anyhow, I thought from the start that I was walking differently, and saw just the other day an episode of Bones in which she could tell a woman was pregnant at 14 weeks due to the way her abdomen had started spreading and her legs were holding her differently. I know mom and dad are anxious to see me "waddle", though I'd like to think I'm just rocking back and forth a bit more for the time being.

Mainly I'm just getting annoyed (of course, as a giant walking hormone living in one of the most aggressive cities in the world, its easy to be irritable), because I can't maneuver through crowds as quickly as I used to and run through the office attending various guests that have piled up when we have five meetings starting at one time. The stairs from the subways are also seeming much longer than they used to. Sigh. I guess of all the things I have to get used to, this ones pretty obvious. And soon I can be assured a seat on the train and co-workers have already begun offering to carry my heavy trays of drinks when I get much bigger. I should just enjoy.

Randomness

2008-07-29T18:00:00.006-04:00

At this point I seem to be all over the place. One day I feel miserably, headachy, nauseous, and the next I'm just fine, ready to go out. My mind is in a billion directions, mainly because I'm not going out as much and just sitting around thinking of all the stuff that's going to fly at me in the months to come. Some stuff going on right now:

- My dreams are getting quite vivid and insane. My most common one is of Jason cheating on me. Last night I dreamt I was weightlifting barbels and it turned out the weights contained pythons, and my trainer woman let the snakes out and put them into pillowcases, so I jumped into bed to hide from them (not a snake fan!). Then Jason came in and we discovered that a couple of close friends of ours had died, but instead he found solace in the arms of my trainer lady, and held onto her for a good many minutes. The snakes starting coming out of the pillow cases towards me. I screamed at Jason and pounded on his back as they slithered up the bed to my feet, but he just ignored me. I managed to get away, but then went around the house like a child slamming doors, attempting to get his attention, which I never did, as it was obvious he was having an affair with this woman. I woke up terrified in a cold sweat. Jason would never ever cheat on me, and of course he keeps telling me to stop dreaming about it! I also dream about fish, supposedly a common dream for pregnancy.

- I'm bemoaning the fact I don't have any pregnant friends, or recently pregnant friends, in my size. I do have a few, but they're all no taller than 5'6", tiny women. No way. So I'm taking advantage of places like Old Navy, where I never shopped in my previously life. I'm at that horrible in-between space, and not sure if I want to buy the over-the-belly kind of bottoms or the kind that go under, and would possibly feel like they're falling off. I did get my first Bella Band, so we'll see how that goes.

- Looking forward to a September or October move, and anxious to be close to friends. We've been invited over for dinner a few times, but it's a good hour-and-a-half train ride home from Astoria, Queens, to our place in Park Slope, Brooklyn, and that's just too much when I'm nauseous and/or exhausted. We are excited, though, because there's the possibility that one of Jason's oldest and dearest friends, now living near L.A., may move in with us for a couple months when we've got the 2-bedroom, before baby arrives. Hopefully he can handle bunnied-up wall paper.

- We're realizing we need to start figuring out the big items (and the billion smaller items) so we can budget for them. Crib, changing table/dresser, stroller, car seat (which we'll use maybe 10 times total, but we'll see), glider for momma, breast pump (surprisingly expensive, but I'm definitely a bargain hunter), and all the others. I don't really want to think about all of it yet. I'm in my second trimester and I should be confident that this baby's a keeper, but it still makes me a might nervous to really plan everything out, especially when I'm just barely showing. But I know if I don't start now, my third trimester (complete with feeling completely uncomfortable and having a hard time sleeping, taking birthing classes, not to mention the holidays), will be way too overwhelming.

- I'm having a hard time finding some of my favorite food items in NYC that I've always taken for granted. Namely, Red Hots (come on - don't people use them to decorate cupcakes, at least?) and Animal Cookies (though that one came to me just today, any pregnant or formerly pregnant woman knows when a craving comes, you need it NOW!). Mmmmm.... I'm going to search a few more places before sending money home to mom to keep them in stock for me. I just put in an order to the fudge shop I worked at for a short time in Michigan - needed some homemade caramels, cinnamon almonds, and saltwater taffy. Mmmmm...

- I keep thinking of a sign I saw once at a dry cleaner near the U-Village back home: "Days are long, but life is short." It rings so true. I'm only just over a third through this experience (the first of a few, I hope, with some trepidation), and each day seems almost longer than the last, but I know when January comes it will have flown by and I may even miss the experience of being this close to my baby, so I'm going to try and enjoy the days that are good to me, and even those that aren't so much, as a possible thrice in a lifetime opportunity.

Showing!

2008-07-23T16:26:00.002-04:00

Apparently I am officially showing. I'm at 14 weeks, 2 days, so it's about right. I've always had some flab, but was able to suck it in or lie on my back and have it (mostly) disappear. Not so anymore! And today I'm wearing, for the last time, one of my favorite $20 3/4-sleeve H&M suit jackets. I'll miss it, but it'll be freeing to start cleaning out my closet. Unfortunately I don't know how I'm going to do the pants and and skirts, so I'll probably get a bella band and wait another month or so, since I just bought a bunch of tops (including a hippie yellow "Love Child" tee).

By the end of the month, apparently (s)he'll be some 6-7" long, which seems HUGE now, but at the end of 40 weeks will seem so tiny!

Hair and Nails

2008-07-22T18:13:00.002-04:00

I've been waiting my whole life to get these kinds of fingernails, and here they are! I used to do them ALL the time, and just recently started up again, buying a french tip kit for $5 (as opposed to going to the salon and spending $20 each time). They used to peel easily and break, though, and bend like paper. Now they're hard as... um, you know, and oh so glorious! The only caveat: I keep trying to gently stroke my husband's face or arms and end up stabbing him instead. This morning my hormones took over and I cried when I tried to touch his neck and kiss him good morning and he shrieked and pulled away from the pain.

Less noticeable is any change in my hair. It had suddenly gotten greasy, but I think that was from the all-in-one Pantene Jason had bought to wash it in the hospital sink earlier this year, so I upgraded to some fancy schmancy "mop". Apparently the average person loses 100 hairs a day, but that stops during pregnancy, so I should have thick, lustrous hair soon enough, or so I hope.

Breakdancing fiend!

2008-07-18T15:02:00.003-04:00

I went to the doctor today, thinking I might have a UTI after missing a couple days of work and other crappy symptoms. Won't find out until Monday.

But anyhow, they did an ultrasound. I was nervous (I usually am just before they check it out, only because I can't feel it move yet and I'm still shocked there's something growing in there!), but had no reason to be! He put the wand on my stomach and, almost on cue, the doctor's cell phone went off with some crazy pop tune, and my baby was kicking up a storm on his little head, his hands and feet pumping in the air. He was totally breakdancing, and I've been giggling all afternoon, wishing I had a little video of it. :)

I'm still in total shock that this is actually happening!

We may not be Park Slope parents after all

2008-07-15T13:15:00.004-04:00

This weekend the owner of our building, Sheldon (really cool old New York guy, shrewd, but extremely good to his renters) came knocking at 10AM with a potential renter to look at our place. Every apartment from our 2nd floor to the 6th has the same layout as us, and the people who are actually moving were out. Anyhow, I mentioned to him that next year we'll need to move into a bigger place as we're with child, and he said he'd take a look and see what 2-bedrooms he had available then. I figured, OK, maybe he'll remember, maybe he won't, but our lease is signed through May and he's the kind of by-the-book guy that won't let us out, regardless, and hopefully we'll just rent from him because he is so great (hand chooses tenants, sends exterminators around once a month, and actually fixes things when they break).

Yesterday Jason got a call from Sheldon who said unfortunately he won't have a 2-bedroom available for us (though he rents his for $2400 anyhow, which would be a bit out of our price range), and told us he'd let us out of our lease at any time, and in fact we should move sooner than later, for my sake! (He really does love us, he even commented to the potential renter that he takes care of his good renters, like us.) So even though I'd been dreaming and glancing around online, looking for a potential place to move next year, now it's actually happening, and we can do it anytime we want! Crazy, especially in this city!

So now we've got to figure this whole thing out. We really love being near Prospect Park, so we may consider moving to the South Slope, which is a bit cheaper, not as upscale but has some really great restaurants and is close to the park. Then there's Windsor Terrace, which is a neighborhood over, also by the park. Or, in the next few weeks we're going to tour Astoria, Queens, where we know at least 3 couples and a few singles, and is fairly close to many friends and Jason's business partners in Greenpoint, and where we might pay what we are now for a one-bedroom. I'm also going to be picky - a dishwasher will be near a must, as will the option to have cats and dogs (we really want to get an English Bulldog), preferably a washer and dryer, and a little outdoor space, hopefully all for under $1900, and of course all my New York friends are laughing me as they read this post from all the wishful thinking. Oh, and 2nd floor of a brownstone or duplex would be perfect - don't want to haul a stroller up too many stairs (especially when I'll already be dealing with the subways), and first floor would be OK but not quite as safe. Yeah, we're dreaming, but why not? We've got a few months to decide. The crazy thing is, we could probably call the broker we used last year and, if he's still working there, he could find us a place super quick, as in within the next few weeks. I think that honestly scares me more than taking time over the next few months.

Plus, now we get to decorate a nursery!!!

Oh, and sadly I'm at home again, sick. Two days now, again having nightmares I'll be fired, despite my husband's reassurances that I won't, but even if I am, it'll be OK and God will take care of us and he'll work hard (though now with the move, we'll be likely paying movers and a broker, plus we've got a September trip to Jamaica). Waiting for a call from my doctor - I don't know if it's just morning sickness on the serious rebound since I quit my Zofran, or some kind of bug, but water is having a hard time staying down again. At least the cats are happy I'm home lying in bed all day to keep them warm.

Max or Sue?

2008-07-11T12:23:00.003-04:00

So the question most friends/family/strangers ask when they first find out we're pregnant is if we're going to find out if it's a boy or a girl.

At first I begrudgingly pointed to Jason and said "he doesn't want to find out, so no". And no, there's no way that I can find out and not tell Jason. I'm a great secret-keeper for my friends, but when it comes to me, I'm an open book.

However, after seeing how some people seem almost angry that we're not going to find out - "How are you going to buy clothes for it?! How are you going to decorate for it?!" - my defiant, rebellious streak has kicked in and I'm more proudly stating "nope, we're not!"

For one, we're not even going to have a nursery the first 3 months, as we're locked into our our little one-bedroom Park Slope apartment lease through May of next year. So we'll buy a bunch of newborn outfits in green, white, and rainbows, even blue (please don't overdue the yellow for us!), and then go buy gender specific little bow ties and dresses after it's born.

I do have to say, though, that at each ultrasound, I'll try to figure out what it is, though I'm not an expert reader and will probably mistake the umbilical cord a pee pee or think the little pee pee is hiding if it's actually a little jay jay.

Seriously, so cliche, and I hate myself just a little bit for posting this, but all I really want is a healthy baby, Max or Sue, innie or outie.

Baby Photos!!!

2008-07-10T17:35:00.007-04:00

I went to an ultrasound center this morning to get the imaging done to see the chances of Down Syndrome, and they got lots of pictures for me!

Baby powpow is already stubborn, and of course I'm thinking "Oh no! I want a baby like Jason, easygoing, not like me!" He was happily lying on his back (I think it's a boy, but then I'm the one who was 99% sure I was not pregnant in the first place), and the lady tried having me cough several times, she pushed on my stomach a lot (I was hurtin' by the end, and she felt bad), but he just kept kind of swatting his arms and legs and shaking his head, not gonna move! She tried tilting me back but then he just looked like he was reclining with his feet up, so she finally went for the ultrasound the other way, which is how she got the one shot of his face.

The doctor came in and said he's got a good little skinny neck, very unlikely he'll have DS, but of course there's the bloodwork to come back (which my boss says often comes back positive, for some reason!)

According to the ultrasound tech, I'm in my 2nd trimester, now at 12 weeks, 3 days! This morning I went for the first time without taking any Zofran for my nausea, and I feel great! One of my coworkers also thinks I'm showing, as Jason has thought, but according to all the websites, that doesn't happen until week 13 or 14, so I'm pretty sure it's just from all the extra food I'm eating. I'm trying not to go too insane, and am actually now craving some fruits and vegetables, which is good, for once.

For those who can read ultrasounds, these are adorable. For those who can't, just fuzzy little blobs. I think they're perfect!

-Here's my favorite, with arm and leg!

-Cute little face with a perfect button nose!

-Either he was moving or we have a mutant on our hands!

-I think he already looks like Jason, if that makes any sense.

-Little smile here.

-Our little baby skeletor.

The First Trimester

2008-07-08T15:20:00.002-04:00

First of all, it was INCREDIBLY hard not to tell absolutely everyone I know the moment we found out we were pregnant. Originally we were going to wait a month, but that plan was blown out of the water pretty much from day one.

All medications were out the door the second I learned we'd conceived. I'd just begun physical therapy for my headaches, but was still relying on Excedrin way too much, as well as the ibuprofen for the cramps. Yes, I was VERY disappointed to learn that cramps don't necessarily go away during pregnancy. Online on all the boards I've been to they post "mild cramps are OK, and somewhat normal". There's nothing mild about what I've got going on, though I've always been privvy to more muscular pain than normal. The doctor OK'ed a heating pad, though, so that works. I ended up missing those first 4 days of work, headaches in overload and couldn't get up from the dizziness and sickness from it all. NOT fun. Having just signed my contract at work, I knew I had to tell my boss, who was incredibly understanding, having had some very rough pregnancies herself.

Two weeks later we finally hired on someone to work my front desk with me so I no longer had to pull the 8AM-6PM shift, plus 1 hour commute each way. Her first day, a Friday, I told her "I'm about to hit 6 weeks, which is when morning sickness often hits; in case I come in feeling crappy you'll know why." That Monday, 6 weeks began and it HIT. I asked the doctor if there was anything he could do. Not really, he said, and went over the normal dos and donts (mild food, always keep something in your stomach, stay hydrated, etc., etc.). But I missed 2 more days of work, just from the nausea being so bad. Finally I decided to "relieve" the nausea by letting it all go. Sadly, I couldn't stop, and ended up in the ER for a day getting fluids pumped in. It wasn't as bad as my previous hospital visits this year, though, in that they gave me a special gynecology private room off the main ER and we were able to turn on the TV and turn off the lights while I let saline fill my veins. Another three days the doctor had me take off work, and finally started me on an extremely low dose of Zofran to help the nausea, which I'm still on, but hope to be off within the next week.

So yeah, with the fact that my boss and my coworker knew, and that it quickly spread throughout my office, we had to call parents, close friends, and let the news gradually spread (not that our moms could keep it to themselves. My dad gave me a great reaction; I thought he was going to crash the car driving with his cell phone, and church friends excitedly jumping up and down was great, too. :) Some of my closest friends knew the second I called without having to open my mouth, though I let one go on for about half hour about her stuff before saying a word, because it does feel strange suddenly having all the attention on me (not that I entirely mind, of course!).

It's been tough; it's been tiring, headachey, nauseous, and I've missed out on some summer fun (particularly when my little sis came to visit for 10 days, pretty much the 10 days leading up to my hospital visit, so I was crabby the first 5 days, managed to get a hold of my emotions, and was then sick the other 5). But going in with my husband the other week for my 10-week check-up, and seeing my little ET-like spawn's heartbeat, knowing in 6-1/2 months it's going to give me a day of insane pain (I honestly have no idea if I'm going to try going natural or not) and a few months of sleepless nights, yet all the joy in the world, makes it all worth it!

Finding out about Baby Powpow

2008-06-30T17:58:00.001-04:00

So it's been a while now that we've known of our pregnancy, and ever so hard to keep it a secret, but we managed almost to the end of our first trimester - or should I say "I" managed almost to the end of my first trimester. I've actually known for quite some time, since May 13th. And it happened this way:

The end of the week prior to learning, I was having some cramps, expecting my usual cycle. I even commented to a coworker "I can't wait until I'm pregnant so I don't have to deal with these!" Ha! I had some lemoncello (the one thing I REALLY miss) that weekend because, I kept saying to my husband, "I'm 99% sure I'm not pregnant". We just hadn't really tried that cycle, and I "knew" it hadn't happened.

Well, that Monday I started feeling really crampy and headachey, and called in sick Tuesday morning. No bleeding yet. I got up around 10AM and started watching TV. House M.D. was on the DVR. On a whim, not even really thinking about it, and I can only guess that it was God or something way in the back of my mind that made me do it, I grabbed one of the cheap pregnancy test strips I had bought on eBay - 25 for $15. Peed in a cup, did the test, and sat it in front of me while I continued watching tv. About 10 minutes later I suddenly remembered the test, and what do I see but TWO little lines. Not the ONE I had been expecting, the ONE I had ALWAYS seen. Two. My heart stopped and I couldn't breathe. Obviously I'm well familiar with the fact that there is no such thing as a false positive, but I knew there was some kind of mistake. I'd let the test sit too long or something.

I pulled on some clothes and despite the fact that Jason and I had just paid off a huge medical bill from my earlier adventures in the hospital this year and were BROKE broke, I ran to Rite-Aid for one of their ridiculously expensive pregnancy tests - 1 for $15. Run home and take the test. Positive. Take another eBay test. Positive. I start laughing and crying and thanking God, because I seriously don't believe it. I call my doctor and say I want to come in for a blood test and tell them I can be there in an hour, but I have to wait another 3 hours. TORTURE. I don't call Jason because I want to tell him in person. I try to sleep but can't, so I finish off my House episode and maybe a Scrubs (I'm totally hooked on hospital shows - someday I'll be a nurse or teacher, when the kids are older and I finally make a decision).

I go to the doctor and they do another urine test. Positive. They send me in to see the doctor and I tell him I want to do the BLOOD test to make sure. He says "um, if you've gotten 4 positive urine tests, you are pregnant". But of course I can't believe it. He does an ultrasound and doesn't really see anything, except the beginning of the uterine lining (or something like that) forming. So he says either it's very early, it's ectopic, or I'm in the middle of a miscarriage. But I suddenly have faith at this point. I know I'm pregnant, and I'm fairly certain it's here to stay.

Later I go home and give the test in an envelope to Jason. The envelope says "To my Love..." and the paper inside says "... or should I say, my baby daddy!" He's as shocked as I am, possibly even more, and doesn't really believe it (apparently men have a harder time since they can't see it for so long - even though I can't see it even today, believe me, I FEEL the signs!). But he's excited - we both are incredibly happy and thankful for this gift!

Later I find out I was just 4 weeks pregnant, but the embryo was only 2 weeks old (they measure pregnancy weeks by the date of your last period, not by the date of conception, which is slightly confusing). I probably took the test the earliest possible day I could have received a positive result. Since then I've had 3 more ultrasounds and the last two have shown a perfect little heartbeat - this last one my husband was priveleged to see for himself the little ET figure with the glowing heart blinking.

WE'RE HAVING A BABY! DUE JANUARY 19TH, 2009!

Currently I'm at 11 weeks. Next post I'll go into how much FUN the first trimester has been!