Photos finally!

-14 weeks, 5 days


- 15 weeks, 5 days


- Jason says I look pregnant, but I still feel like I'm at that in-between phase where I just look kind of chubby, especially since my arms and chest are growing a bit to match. I did feel good today, though, when a coworker found out I am pregnant for the first time and said "I couldn't tell, you're just gorgeous!" Totally sweet! I don't know if I'm that pretty in these pics, since I'd just gotten up from a nap and we were running to our favorite neighborhood digs, Bar Toto, but mom's been asking for belly shots, so here they are!

Plopping and Waddling

When I was a kid, I used to get in trouble at Grandpa and Grandma Kyllo's house for plopping down hard onto their living room chairs and sofas. I still do it. Sometimes I even think I'm going to break our little self-assembled love seat, but it doesn't really stop me. But now it seems my body is. For the last few days after running around the office and back to my desk to alert someone their guest has arrived or just because I'm exhausted from being up so long (doesn't take long), I've learned all the ligaments attaching my uterus to my insides pull and cause some pain, particularly since I started out with cramps throughout my pregnancy. Whenever I watched pregnant women slowly back into seats and grab onto things for help, I thought it was just to steady themselves with all their extra weight, but now I see that it also physically just hurts to sit down too hard. Sigh.

The other thing is, I'm starting to waddle. Another thing I thought was due to weight, which I haven't gained a ton of yet, though more and more people that know I'm pregnant comment on the fact that I'm showing. I still think the average person would just think I look a bit round, but friends deny it. Anyhow, I thought from the start that I was walking differently, and saw just the other day an episode of Bones in which she could tell a woman was pregnant at 14 weeks due to the way her abdomen had started spreading and her legs were holding her differently. I know mom and dad are anxious to see me "waddle", though I'd like to think I'm just rocking back and forth a bit more for the time being.

Mainly I'm just getting annoyed (of course, as a giant walking hormone living in one of the most aggressive cities in the world, its easy to be irritable), because I can't maneuver through crowds as quickly as I used to and run through the office attending various guests that have piled up when we have five meetings starting at one time. The stairs from the subways are also seeming much longer than they used to. Sigh. I guess of all the things I have to get used to, this ones pretty obvious. And soon I can be assured a seat on the train and co-workers have already begun offering to carry my heavy trays of drinks when I get much bigger. I should just enjoy.

Randomness

At this point I seem to be all over the place. One day I feel miserably, headachy, nauseous, and the next I'm just fine, ready to go out. My mind is in a billion directions, mainly because I'm not going out as much and just sitting around thinking of all the stuff that's going to fly at me in the months to come. Some stuff going on right now:

- My dreams are getting quite vivid and insane. My most common one is of Jason cheating on me. Last night I dreamt I was weightlifting barbels and it turned out the weights contained pythons, and my trainer woman let the snakes out and put them into pillowcases, so I jumped into bed to hide from them (not a snake fan!). Then Jason came in and we discovered that a couple of close friends of ours had died, but instead he found solace in the arms of my trainer lady, and held onto her for a good many minutes. The snakes starting coming out of the pillow cases towards me. I screamed at Jason and pounded on his back as they slithered up the bed to my feet, but he just ignored me. I managed to get away, but then went around the house like a child slamming doors, attempting to get his attention, which I never did, as it was obvious he was having an affair with this woman. I woke up terrified in a cold sweat. Jason would never ever cheat on me, and of course he keeps telling me to stop dreaming about it! I also dream about fish, supposedly a common dream for pregnancy.

- I'm bemoaning the fact I don't have any pregnant friends, or recently pregnant friends, in my size. I do have a few, but they're all no taller than 5'6", tiny women. No way. So I'm taking advantage of places like Old Navy, where I never shopped in my previously life. I'm at that horrible in-between space, and not sure if I want to buy the over-the-belly kind of bottoms or the kind that go under, and would possibly feel like they're falling off. I did get my first Bella Band, so we'll see how that goes.

- Looking forward to a September or October move, and anxious to be close to friends. We've been invited over for dinner a few times, but it's a good hour-and-a-half train ride home from Astoria, Queens, to our place in Park Slope, Brooklyn, and that's just too much when I'm nauseous and/or exhausted. We are excited, though, because there's the possibility that one of Jason's oldest and dearest friends, now living near L.A., may move in with us for a couple months when we've got the 2-bedroom, before baby arrives. Hopefully he can handle bunnied-up wall paper.

- We're realizing we need to start figuring out the big items (and the billion smaller items) so we can budget for them. Crib, changing table/dresser, stroller, car seat (which we'll use maybe 10 times total, but we'll see), glider for momma, breast pump (surprisingly expensive, but I'm definitely a bargain hunter), and all the others. I don't really want to think about all of it yet. I'm in my second trimester and I should be confident that this baby's a keeper, but it still makes me a might nervous to really plan everything out, especially when I'm just barely showing. But I know if I don't start now, my third trimester (complete with feeling completely uncomfortable and having a hard time sleeping, taking birthing classes, not to mention the holidays), will be way too overwhelming.

- I'm having a hard time finding some of my favorite food items in NYC that I've always taken for granted. Namely, Red Hots (come on - don't people use them to decorate cupcakes, at least?) and Animal Cookies (though that one came to me just today, any pregnant or formerly pregnant woman knows when a craving comes, you need it NOW!). Mmmmm.... I'm going to search a few more places before sending money home to mom to keep them in stock for me. I just put in an order to the fudge shop I worked at for a short time in Michigan - needed some homemade caramels, cinnamon almonds, and saltwater taffy. Mmmmm...

- I keep thinking of a sign I saw once at a dry cleaner near the U-Village back home: "Days are long, but life is short." It rings so true. I'm only just over a third through this experience (the first of a few, I hope, with some trepidation), and each day seems almost longer than the last, but I know when January comes it will have flown by and I may even miss the experience of being this close to my baby, so I'm going to try and enjoy the days that are good to me, and even those that aren't so much, as a possible thrice in a lifetime opportunity.

Showing!

Apparently I am officially showing. I'm at 14 weeks, 2 days, so it's about right. I've always had some flab, but was able to suck it in or lie on my back and have it (mostly) disappear. Not so anymore! And today I'm wearing, for the last time, one of my favorite $20 3/4-sleeve H&M suit jackets. I'll miss it, but it'll be freeing to start cleaning out my closet. Unfortunately I don't know how I'm going to do the pants and and skirts, so I'll probably get a bella band and wait another month or so, since I just bought a bunch of tops (including a hippie yellow "Love Child" tee).

By the end of the month, apparently (s)he'll be some 6-7" long, which seems HUGE now, but at the end of 40 weeks will seem so tiny!

Hair and Nails

I've been waiting my whole life to get these kinds of fingernails, and here they are! I used to do them ALL the time, and just recently started up again, buying a french tip kit for $5 (as opposed to going to the salon and spending $20 each time). They used to peel easily and break, though, and bend like paper. Now they're hard as... um, you know, and oh so glorious! The only caveat: I keep trying to gently stroke my husband's face or arms and end up stabbing him instead. This morning my hormones took over and I cried when I tried to touch his neck and kiss him good morning and he shrieked and pulled away from the pain.

Less noticeable is any change in my hair. It had suddenly gotten greasy, but I think that was from the all-in-one Pantene Jason had bought to wash it in the hospital sink earlier this year, so I upgraded to some fancy schmancy "mop". Apparently the average person loses 100 hairs a day, but that stops during pregnancy, so I should have thick, lustrous hair soon enough, or so I hope.

Breakdancing fiend!

I went to the doctor today, thinking I might have a UTI after missing a couple days of work and other crappy symptoms. Won't find out until Monday.

But anyhow, they did an ultrasound. I was nervous (I usually am just before they check it out, only because I can't feel it move yet and I'm still shocked there's something growing in there!), but had no reason to be! He put the wand on my stomach and, almost on cue, the doctor's cell phone went off with some crazy pop tune, and my baby was kicking up a storm on his little head, his hands and feet pumping in the air. He was totally breakdancing, and I've been giggling all afternoon, wishing I had a little video of it. :)

I'm still in total shock that this is actually happening!

We may not be Park Slope parents after all

This weekend the owner of our building, Sheldon (really cool old New York guy, shrewd, but extremely good to his renters) came knocking at 10AM with a potential renter to look at our place. Every apartment from our 2nd floor to the 6th has the same layout as us, and the people who are actually moving were out. Anyhow, I mentioned to him that next year we'll need to move into a bigger place as we're with child, and he said he'd take a look and see what 2-bedrooms he had available then. I figured, OK, maybe he'll remember, maybe he won't, but our lease is signed through May and he's the kind of by-the-book guy that won't let us out, regardless, and hopefully we'll just rent from him because he is so great (hand chooses tenants, sends exterminators around once a month, and actually fixes things when they break).

Yesterday Jason got a call from Sheldon who said unfortunately he won't have a 2-bedroom available for us (though he rents his for $2400 anyhow, which would be a bit out of our price range), and told us he'd let us out of our lease at any time, and in fact we should move sooner than later, for my sake! (He really does love us, he even commented to the potential renter that he takes care of his good renters, like us.) So even though I'd been dreaming and glancing around online, looking for a potential place to move next year, now it's actually happening, and we can do it anytime we want! Crazy, especially in this city!

So now we've got to figure this whole thing out. We really love being near Prospect Park, so we may consider moving to the South Slope, which is a bit cheaper, not as upscale but has some really great restaurants and is close to the park. Then there's Windsor Terrace, which is a neighborhood over, also by the park. Or, in the next few weeks we're going to tour Astoria, Queens, where we know at least 3 couples and a few singles, and is fairly close to many friends and Jason's business partners in Greenpoint, and where we might pay what we are now for a one-bedroom. I'm also going to be picky - a dishwasher will be near a must, as will the option to have cats and dogs (we really want to get an English Bulldog), preferably a washer and dryer, and a little outdoor space, hopefully all for under $1900, and of course all my New York friends are laughing me as they read this post from all the wishful thinking. Oh, and 2nd floor of a brownstone or duplex would be perfect - don't want to haul a stroller up too many stairs (especially when I'll already be dealing with the subways), and first floor would be OK but not quite as safe. Yeah, we're dreaming, but why not? We've got a few months to decide. The crazy thing is, we could probably call the broker we used last year and, if he's still working there, he could find us a place super quick, as in within the next few weeks. I think that honestly scares me more than taking time over the next few months.

Plus, now we get to decorate a nursery!!!

Oh, and sadly I'm at home again, sick. Two days now, again having nightmares I'll be fired, despite my husband's reassurances that I won't, but even if I am, it'll be OK and God will take care of us and he'll work hard (though now with the move, we'll be likely paying movers and a broker, plus we've got a September trip to Jamaica). Waiting for a call from my doctor - I don't know if it's just morning sickness on the serious rebound since I quit my Zofran, or some kind of bug, but water is having a hard time staying down again. At least the cats are happy I'm home lying in bed all day to keep them warm.