Back to Baby

I haven't actually blogged about baby for a bit, being that we've been all-consumed in our trip to Jamaica and then moving to Queens. But baby is doing great!

Definitely kicking these days, still at somewhat random times of the day, though I may start writing down when it happens for myself. For a while I wasn't really having Jason feel my belly, as it was like trying to point out a shooting star - always just missing it. But now I think it really recognizes him - the other night he had put his warm hand there for a moment before I got a good WHOMP! - though it was just below his hand where he couldn't feel. A few nights later, after a few decent kicks, a couple he could even see, he put his hand on me and he was able to feel many good ones. I get most filled with joy and emotional when I see/think about my baby and daddy interactions.

I also now know that I definitely look pregnant. I think it's the first time I do. I haven't (in my head - Jason's said I look pregnant for the last month or so), in large part, because I have two bumps. One up over my stomach, which I think may be where my food storages lie, and the other down where baby is, cut in two by my belly button, which is starting to spread a bit and look like a frowny face (I'm anxious to get an outie!). I've been waiting for them to join together. Well now, at 5+ months, I guess it doesn't matter so much, because people are starting to recognize that I am pregnant, and I am definitely waddling these days. Always concerned about the train ride, I think I'm to the point where, as long as there is a decent person sitting and willing to give it up, I will get a seat. I try to avoid using them, but I do have some powers of manipulation. I can walk on a crowded train to the middle of a bunch of seats, look very defeated for a moment when I see none are available, and then someone will tap me on the shoulder and I thank them profusely before sitting and settling into a book. Hey, when I haven't been pregnant I always offer my seat to the elderly, people with children, or a pregnant lady - though I admit I wait a second to see if any kind gentlemen will offer first (often they won't). :)

And, I'm not sure how obese people do it. All of a sudden when I sit too long, my butt becomes very, very sore, and my tailbone hurts. All that extra weight, I'm guessing? I would seriously consider getting a donut pillow for my desk if I wasn't embarrassed. And even that may not stop me if I can cover it with something black so it blends in!

The one thing that has scared me most is, what if something happened to me, would the baby be able to survive at this point? Well, on one of the pregnancy boards I'm often on for babies due January 2009, one of the women gave birth very prematurely at 23 weeks and the baby is actually doing very well! Obviously I want to hold onto this kid as long as possible (within reason, of course), but it gives me hope that this baby could survive outside the womb if something went very wrong. It also makes me feel more connected with it. I'm someone who believes life begins at conception, but now that it's survivable (that's gotta be a word), I'm starting to recognize it as its own little person aside from me. Both exciting and scary - I feel like I'm actually entering into motherhood and someday this tiny life will be a full-grown human being in front of me, having babies of its own!