Randomness

At this point I seem to be all over the place. One day I feel miserably, headachy, nauseous, and the next I'm just fine, ready to go out. My mind is in a billion directions, mainly because I'm not going out as much and just sitting around thinking of all the stuff that's going to fly at me in the months to come. Some stuff going on right now:

- My dreams are getting quite vivid and insane. My most common one is of Jason cheating on me. Last night I dreamt I was weightlifting barbels and it turned out the weights contained pythons, and my trainer woman let the snakes out and put them into pillowcases, so I jumped into bed to hide from them (not a snake fan!). Then Jason came in and we discovered that a couple of close friends of ours had died, but instead he found solace in the arms of my trainer lady, and held onto her for a good many minutes. The snakes starting coming out of the pillow cases towards me. I screamed at Jason and pounded on his back as they slithered up the bed to my feet, but he just ignored me. I managed to get away, but then went around the house like a child slamming doors, attempting to get his attention, which I never did, as it was obvious he was having an affair with this woman. I woke up terrified in a cold sweat. Jason would never ever cheat on me, and of course he keeps telling me to stop dreaming about it! I also dream about fish, supposedly a common dream for pregnancy.

- I'm bemoaning the fact I don't have any pregnant friends, or recently pregnant friends, in my size. I do have a few, but they're all no taller than 5'6", tiny women. No way. So I'm taking advantage of places like Old Navy, where I never shopped in my previously life. I'm at that horrible in-between space, and not sure if I want to buy the over-the-belly kind of bottoms or the kind that go under, and would possibly feel like they're falling off. I did get my first Bella Band, so we'll see how that goes.

- Looking forward to a September or October move, and anxious to be close to friends. We've been invited over for dinner a few times, but it's a good hour-and-a-half train ride home from Astoria, Queens, to our place in Park Slope, Brooklyn, and that's just too much when I'm nauseous and/or exhausted. We are excited, though, because there's the possibility that one of Jason's oldest and dearest friends, now living near L.A., may move in with us for a couple months when we've got the 2-bedroom, before baby arrives. Hopefully he can handle bunnied-up wall paper.

- We're realizing we need to start figuring out the big items (and the billion smaller items) so we can budget for them. Crib, changing table/dresser, stroller, car seat (which we'll use maybe 10 times total, but we'll see), glider for momma, breast pump (surprisingly expensive, but I'm definitely a bargain hunter), and all the others. I don't really want to think about all of it yet. I'm in my second trimester and I should be confident that this baby's a keeper, but it still makes me a might nervous to really plan everything out, especially when I'm just barely showing. But I know if I don't start now, my third trimester (complete with feeling completely uncomfortable and having a hard time sleeping, taking birthing classes, not to mention the holidays), will be way too overwhelming.

- I'm having a hard time finding some of my favorite food items in NYC that I've always taken for granted. Namely, Red Hots (come on - don't people use them to decorate cupcakes, at least?) and Animal Cookies (though that one came to me just today, any pregnant or formerly pregnant woman knows when a craving comes, you need it NOW!). Mmmmm.... I'm going to search a few more places before sending money home to mom to keep them in stock for me. I just put in an order to the fudge shop I worked at for a short time in Michigan - needed some homemade caramels, cinnamon almonds, and saltwater taffy. Mmmmm...

- I keep thinking of a sign I saw once at a dry cleaner near the U-Village back home: "Days are long, but life is short." It rings so true. I'm only just over a third through this experience (the first of a few, I hope, with some trepidation), and each day seems almost longer than the last, but I know when January comes it will have flown by and I may even miss the experience of being this close to my baby, so I'm going to try and enjoy the days that are good to me, and even those that aren't so much, as a possible thrice in a lifetime opportunity.